


Actions Speak Magnitudes but Words Work Better

by legatosservant



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: All female characters are important and also good, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Explicit Language, F/F, F/M, Female Reader, Gay, Gen, Instances of polyamory, Lesbian, Look Nomura made everyone in KH LGBT in some way he's just a coward, Love triangles and quadrangles and more!, M/M, Many instances of Reader/Others because this is high school, Multi, No Kairi Bashing, Other, Ratings subject to change, Reader is not straight so lets clear that up right now, Reader-Insert, Romance, Teenage Drama, implications of sexual activity, reader - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-03
Updated: 2019-08-02
Packaged: 2019-10-21 08:45:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 8
Words: 36,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17639564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/legatosservant/pseuds/legatosservant
Summary: ... High school sucksRoxas wondered, when did shit get so complicated? Everything from the last horrible year had settled down when this new girl showed up. He decides to be nice to her, and what would happen?Everyone just starts riding him about her! To make matters worse, secrets start cropping up and get exposed every which way. On top of that, it seems she knows some old friends of theirs--some friends they'd much rather never see again.Wouldn't it just be easier if everything was like an 80's teen movie? This wouldn't happen to the characters inLove Actually!... Probably.





	1. Remember When It All Started?

**Author's Note:**

> **IMPORTANT NOTE** : Yo, hey, it's me, the author, and I wanted to, like, address something. When I originally wrote the plot (and some of the chapters) for this story I was around 19/20 or so and I wasn't really very _critical_ or _concerned_ with what the ages of the characters were because, well, at the time I just kind of assumed they were all around the same age and didn't give it much thought. Now? Well, we all know Axel and Aqua and Terra, at the very least, are Adults while the other characters are definitely Teens. I understand, regardless of me just assuming and aging them all at "teenager" in this AU that this is problematic as Fuck. I do understand that. At the time, this was not something I considered. **I completely understand if that makes you uncomfortable and, as a result, unable to read this or find my having written it/continuing it fucked up.** I wanted to address this, because it's important that I do.
> 
> Hello! Uhh, I'm starting to write fic again after something like... 5 or more years? I moved this over from a Reader-Insert fanfic site I used to frequent and thought I should upload it here since I'm going to be updating it again. Consider it's been around 10 years since I've been in high school, so a lot of this will be based on my intents when I first wrote it when I was around 20 based on what high school was like for me and what felt important then. I'm still very fond of this story, and I hope you all will like it too!
> 
> Ratings, warnings, and ships subject to change as chapters are added.
> 
>  **IMPORTANT** : Alright, so the whole “twins” thing works a bit differently here than what I've seen in typical fics. This is because I put characters into twin categories with those they  _look_  the most like. Example: Roxas and Ventus are twins while Sora and Venitas are twins. I just... Think it makes more sense, ya know?

“Hey Ven!”

“… It’s Roxas, you idiot.”

“Well, goddamn, sorry Rox. But, like, maybe if you parted your hair a different way or something, I could tell!”

Roxas slung a glare over in the direction of his best friend as the red head smiled wryly while he sliding into the seat beside the blonde. Roxas wasn’t completely sure if Axel had called him by the name of his twin brother strictly because he couldn’t tell the difference--not that many could--or just because he liked to piss him off.

“Freak chance your parents happened to push out two sets of twins, at least we all can tell Vanitas and Sora apart.”

“Do you have some business here or are you just trying to be a dick?”

“Can’t it be both?” Roxas could feel his annoyance practically vibrating in his chest--the smile on Axel’s face could not  _be_  any more smug.

“It can be both if I can beat the fu--”

“Axel, leave Roxas alone, you know how he gets when you start up like that.”

“And the golden boy arrives!” The aforementioned boy smiled exhaustedly down at his brother’s best friend before fixing his eyes on his twin. Every muscle in Roxas’ body was stiff as he beside Axel, who was trying to inch his arm around the shoulders of the boy beside him.

“People are going to start asking questions if you keep putting your hands all over my brother.” A giant smile spreads over Axel’s face as Ventus’ lips pursed and Roxas’ expression melted into irritation.

“Oh, the speculation is already out there, Ven. Was out there _long_ before I came out, I assure you.”

“Get your goddamn hands away from me.” Roxas haphazardly tossed Axel’s arm back toward him with a grimace on his face. Axel pouted at Roxas playfully, but he could still glimpse the actual apology in his expression.

“I’m not hitting on you Roxy, though I’m sure there are quite a few out there who wouldn’t mi--”

“Axel, you should probably just stop while you’re ahead.” Ventus patted Axel robotically as he leaned over and grabbed his brother’s hand before pulling him to the school entrance. “We’ll see you later Axel!” The pair watched as Axel made a face at them from his perch before they turned around to go through the building’s double doors.

“He just _loves_ to get on my fucking nerves.” Roxas placed a hand on his opposite shoulder before swiveling his head around, distinctive cracking sounds following the gesture. From beside him, Ventus smiled at his brother and adjusted the shoulder of his messenger bag and smoothed out the shirt of his uniform.

“Ever since Axel came out as bisexual, I think he just goes overboard to, like, be the “slutty guy” everyone’s decided to peg him as.” Ventus spoke quietly, his eyes and words imploring Roxas as the boy shifted his eyes down.

“Yeah, well, he can choose another way to fucking do that then.” Roxas grimaced heavily at the floor beneath him, guilt dropping into his gut before he pushed it away. Yeah, 90% of Axel’s personality was an exaggerated fabrication to hide how much other people’s opinions of him matter but, honestly, then he needs to find another fucking outlet for all that.

“Hey Roxas! Ventus!”

“Hey Rox, Ven.”

“Morning, Wonder Twins.”

“Roxas, Ventus, what’s up?!”

“G’Morning, Dynamic Duo.”

With every greeting Roxas could feel rage churn the bile in his stomach, a heady scowl settling in over his face. Ventus’ eyes slid over to glance at his brother as he mumbled greetings back at every person they passed and Roxas made it a point to ignore every single one of them. As Roxas reached his locker he shot a look to Ventus, and spoke him to through clenched teeth, “Make sure Vanitas and Sora get to class, I’ll be in homeroom later.”

Ventus gave his twin an apologetic smile before he reached his hand forward and gave Roxas’ shoulder a reassuring squeeze.

“I got it. See you, Roxas.” Hearing his brother’s sure voice and watching him walk away with steady strides seemed to really calm Roxas, to some degree. He could feel his blood pressure go down, his boiling rage drop down to a normal level of mild irritation.

As Ventus left the greetings left with him. It was common knowledge that no one could ever tell Roxas or Ventus apart by looks alone. Both boys tended to walk around with similar default expressions and always dressed similarly, even if by accident, which made it nearly impossible for anyone to tell either of them apart.

Until they started talking, of course.

Ventus was kind hearted and polite, almost to a fault, a trait his younger brother Sora seemed to inherit. Though… Sora seemed to take those traits to the extreme, doubling down with some good-natured innocence that bordered on naivety. Roxas, however, was nearly the complete opposite of his gentle twin; he was borderline rude and sneered at generally all things that didn’t pertain to his close friends or family. Unfortunately, those traits had rubbed off onto his younger brother Vanitas, the difference being that Vanitas had no qualms with riling people up and fighting them.

Even with their extreme differences in personality, their identities fused into one single entity, “Roxas-Ventus.” One was never mentioned without the other. To Roxas, it was as if no one ever saw him as a separate person--because no one could even relatively tell if he  _was_  a separate person.

He was bitter, though he couldn’t find enough will in him to genuinely care. So, he stopped altogether.

\---

“Hey Rox!” The singular identifier would’ve thrown Roxas for a loop if it wasn’t obvious that his brother was already in the room. Process of elimination: If Ventus is already in class, the other one walking in must be Roxas.

“Hey.” Roxas didn’t even bother to see who the person was, if he couldn’t have an identity then they didn’t deserve one either. Roxas looked forward to see Ventus sitting casually in his chair while Riku sat with his legs in the desk across from him as they talked.

One person whom could typically tell the two apart aside from family was Riku, so he was one person whom Roxas normally felt alright around. He was glad Riku became best friends with his younger brother; it gave Sora someone who wanted to protect him as much as both Ventus and Roxas while giving Roxas a reason to not have to directly befriend him himself. Roxas never much enjoyed befriending people, it just wasn’t something he dedicated himself to doing.

“Ahh, Roxas, I see you’re bright and full of life this morning.”

“Fuck off, dude.” Riku’s gaze followed Roxas as he slid into his seat, a grin moving in over his face. Riku would have retorted but the homeroom teacher sauntered into the room before he had the chance.

“Hello homeroom, I want to introduce a new student who’s just starting today!” The man turned his head turned towards the door of the classroom with a small smile. “Come on in.”

In an overly timid fashion, a [hair color] haired girl peaked around the corner for only a moment before practically bouncing into the room. She planted herself directly beside the teacher’s desk, running a hand through her hair to move her bangs from her face soon after.

“This is…” Cue quick glance to a piece of paper on the desk. “Miss… uhh…” He proceeded to stumble embarrassingly through what was apparently the girl’s name before thrusting the piece of paper back towards her. “She is new to this school and our town, so everyone you all had better be nice!” Roxas watched as the girl pursed her lips before taking the paper from him. “Yes! Now, time to find you a seat… Hmm…”

Roxas looked directly in front of him, discovering the only spare desk in the entire room.

“Oh! Yes! You can sit in front of… umm… The, umm, blonde boy.”

“It’s. Roxas.” He would’ve added expletives and insightful statements such as “My goddamn name is written on your seating sheet, you asshole!” but he knew it didn’t matter. Roxas saw, through the haze of red he was currently looking through, the girl lift an eyebrow at the teacher before moving to plant herself in the seat she was assigned. Roxas proceeded to stare intently at his notebooks in an attempt to force the ever-so familiar anger he was currently feeling to go away.

He wasn’t having very good luck with it.

“Umm, I’m going to make a brilliant observation here and say that you and the boy beside you are twins.” Roxas’ head snapped up as his azure eyes locked with friendly [eye color] ones, an apologetic smile playing on her lips. His eyes darted behind her to see that the teacher seemed preoccupied looking through some papers. “So, I suppose everyone gets you two confused.” Roxas was posed to let out some sarcastic comeback but he managed to hold his tongue back; this girl was new and didn’t know anyone, he wasn’t going to spout off at her just because he hated being confused with his brother.

“Yeah.” The answer was short and quick and the girl would have no idea how much thought and kindness went into that curt statement. Though, he really didn’t want her to know, anyway.

“Ahh, I noticed you the moment I walked in, all huffy and upset.” Roxas narrowed his eyes at the girl just as she sent him a sheepish grin--not that it made up for her comment. “I actually didn’t even realize the boy next to you looked like you until I actually forced myself to look closer… Like, legitimately did not even see the resemblance at first. Stupid, right?”

And, there. A trivial statement made by a girl he’d never met from a place he’d probably never been and it suddenly became one of the most significant things he’d ever heard. Roxas wasn’t sure if his face gave away the surprise and almost painful contentedness that was currently swimming through his veins but the consistent look in her eyes implied that it most likely didn’t.

He’d been noticed as a person away from his brother, noticed long enough that she didn’t even notice his resemblance to his brother. It… meant something, meant more than it honestly should have, even though it was by someone whom he’d never met before.

“Though, now that I look at you guys, it’s pretty darn impossible to tell you both apart, huh. Could I maybe have your name, so I can struggle through my own stupidity to try and valiantly attempt to figure out the difference?”

The surprise dwindled but some kind of burgeoning respect had begun blooming in his chest for the girl in front of him. No one had ever really seemed to care enough to try and tell either of them apart before, seemed like everyone was content with them just being one in the same.

“Sure.” Even with the respect he felt for the girl he didn’t know, the only thought spinning in his head was:  _Good luck_. “I’m Roxas, and that’s my brother Ventus.” As he spoke, the girl narrowed her eyes and looked between the two boys with concentration knotting her brow; from the corner of his eye, Roxas could see his brother looking over at the two curiously.

“Right. Roxas and Ventus. Okay, I think I can do this…” The confidence in her eyes dwindled as her lips pursed and, without realizing it, Roxas found that he began feeling bad for her. “If… If I get you two confused from time to time, please don’t hesitate to correct me so I can learn. Also... I’m sorry in advance.”

A small smile broke out onto Roxas’ face before he could contain it. He tried to drop it as quickly as possible, his lips morphing back into his ever-present scowl, but it was clear that both his brother and Riku had seen the act. Ventus didn’t even attempt to hide the bright smile he had while Riku grinned maniacally in his direction. Roxas resisted the urge to snarl.

“What about you?” Roxas’ eyes focused on the girl in an attempt to ignore the two unabashedly watching him from the sidelines.

“… What about me?” Roxas rolled his eyes at the confusion on the girl’s face.

“Your name, obviously. I gave you mine.”

“… But, the teacher said my name?”

“Oh, yeah, I could _definitely_ tell what your name was through his stammering.” Her eyes lit up as she ran her hands through the hair that was nestled beside her jaw, an embarrassed expression on her face.

“Ha, right, that… did happen.” Her eyes leapt up to meet with Roxas’ cerulean colored ones just as she extended her free hand towards him. “I’m [Your Name].”

As Roxas gingerly took her hand in his, he couldn’t stop the smile that crept on to his face. “Nice to meet you, [Your Name].”

\---

“Hey guys!” Roxas looked up from his lunch to see his younger brother Sora running over the table where he, Ventus, Riku and a few others were sitting outside. Sora was dragging along a rather irritated Vanitas behind him; the boy glaring at nearly every person they passed intently. When Sora finally reached the table he let go of his brother and sat down in front of his other two with Vanitas sliding in beside him.

“Sora’s excited about the new girl, whoever she is.” Sora nodded enthusiastically after his twin spoke, leaning forward on his elbows.

“She says she’s from somewhere really far away from here and she’s so nice! It’s refreshing to see someone so totally kind after being around Vanitas’ sour mug all the time.” At these words Vanitas turned to his brother with a deep frown while Sora gave him an impish smile in return.

“Roxas already knows all about her. Don’t you, Roxas?” The scowl on his face couldn’t have been any colder, his head turning to his twin with narrowed eyes.

“She just sits in front of me Ven, I couldn’t “know all about her” in 10 fucking minutes, don’t be stupid.”

“He’s just being shy.” Roxas purposefully bit his tongue as Riku leaned over to Sora to tell him this. He knew if he argued any more about it, then everyone would say that he was “protesting too much.” “You should’ve seen him talking to her, all interested. He even gave her a smile.” The shock on both Vanitas and Sora’s face made Roxas want to punch them both square in the jaw.

“Y-Y-You  _smiled_  at her?”

“Heh, seems our older brother found a girl to melt the icy barriers of his heart, Sora.” Roxas sneered at his younger brother as Vanitas shot him a valiant smirk, Sora rolled his eyes before putting a hand to his forehead in exasperation. “And here I thought Axel would rope him in after all this time he’s been pinning over him.”

“One would think, but no such luck.” Axel walked up to the group huddled around one of many outside tables that littered the courtyard of the school before everyone looked up at him and Roxas glowered.

“Stop being weird.”

“However, I saw the girl our little Roxy is gunnin’ for and, I must say, even  _I’d_  ditch me for that.”

Roxas huffed angrily before turning back to his food and gritting his teeth, Ventus let out a laugh in response. “You must’ve sacrificed a  _lot_  of pride to say that.”

“Not as much as you’re thinking.” Axel retorted, quickly sliding in beside his best friend as Sora turned his attention away from the group to look around the courtyard. Riku glanced over at his friend before casually tossing an arm over his shoulder.

“Something wrong, Sora?” The aforementioned boy looked up at Riku before pursing his lips and gazing up at him with a complex and unreadable expression. Roxas and Ventus both seemed raise their eyebrows at the gesture, but it appeared that either no one else had noticed or they chose to ignore the actions.

“O-Oh, uhh, I was just wondering if the girl was around, you know? I don’t know if she has any friends yet so, I was going to see if she wanted to eat lunch with us or something.” Sora suddenly looked uncomfortable, his body stiff and rigid, as he offhandedly shrugged off Riku’s arm and stood up. “I think I’m going to go look for her.” Riku stared curiously at Sora as he started walking away, his lips pursed thin and his eyebrows creased with distraught lines.

“I’m going to help him.” Riku didn’t even turn to acknowledge his departure with anyone else, he just up and took off after Sora. Just as the boy left, Kairi had walked up to the group with a forlorn expression, staring off after Riku sullenly.

“Uhh, hey Kairi.” Roxas never much cared for Kairi--her indecisiveness caused both his brother and the boy’s best friend a lot of heartache; and when she’d decided on Riku it caused Sora a lot of tears--but she looked incredibly distraught. The girl turned just as her twin sister, Xion and younger sibling, Namine, walked up beside her and began greeting others at the table.

 “Hello, Roxas.” The boy was surprised by just  _how_  upset Kairi sounded.

Roxas’ eyes moved to catch Xion’s, silent words passing between them. Xion had been his best friend almost longer than Axel and they had an almost innate sense of communication between them. Something had happened, and it was exactly what he had _not_ wanted to deal with.

“Xion, can I talk to you for a sec?”

\---

You could not  _believe_ the amount of attractive people at this school. Is this place on some kind of radioactive beauty sludge? It shouldn’t be possible for this many attractive people to be in one place. Destiny Islands should be on some kind of national Watch List because this shit isn’t normal. You generally thought yourself to be of average appearance, sometimes you could finagle _above-average_ attractiveness if you tried real hard, but you are downright pathetic compared to these people. Oh, yeah, this move is doing **wonders** for your self-esteem. You sighed to yourself as you walked through the halls of your new high school, looking around the hallway as you headed outside for lunch.

However, even with all of the people you’d seen, your mind kept going back to the boy you’d met just this morning and how striking he was. You immediately felt sick because, as if fate was trying to curse you, he had a twin brother that was honestly  _identical_  to him and you were  _never_  very good at telling things apart. Hell, you always had to get help when trying to do the “Find 6 Differences” game in the newspaper every Sunday! How could you  _hope_  to be able to tell him apart from his brother when there  _weren’t_  differences?

“I don’t see why  _that_  makes you mad at  _me_.”

“How long did we fight over her, Riku? And now, what, you just decide that you don’t want her anymore? How do you think that makes me feel?” You turned curiously to a narrowly open door to the right of you, which seemed to lead into an empty classroom. Well, empty except for whoever it was that’s fighting in there, anyway.

“Shouldn’t that make you  _happy_  then? Now you can go back after her!”

“I wouldn’t do that! I would never take advantage of her feelings now and I don’t make a habit of going out with my friend’s exes!” Even though you knew that you should just walk away and mind your own business, curiosity began eating away at you and you found yourself leaning in towards the partially open door.

“Then don’t! I don’t know what it is you  _want_  me to say, Sora!” Your eyes narrow at the name you’d heard. You remembered meeting a boy earlier named Sora… was it the same one? It’s not a common name, but not much around this place seemed very “common.”

“I want you to tell me  _why_ , why you fought against me so hard just to dump her like that! What, was it a game? A way to show that you’re better than me?”

“Damnit Sora, I was with her for months, it wasn’t like I got her and just dumped her right afterwards!” The other voice sounded desperate, of that much you’re certain, and there’s… something in his tone that spoke more than even what his words seemed to. “You don’t know shit about what’s going on, you don’t even care why I broke up with her!”

“You’re right! I  _don’t_  care! You’re supposed to be my best friend Riku, but now I’m starting to realize that you probably never were!” The tone in Sora’s voice was definite and you quickly backed away from the door towards the middle of the hall when the door in front of you slammed open to reveal the boy you’d met earlier. You locked eyes with crystal blue orbs glistening with unshed tears right before he turned and ran away from you. You instinctively thrust your hand towards his retreating form just as the distinctive sound of rustling hit your ears and caused you to come face to face with the boy you sit next to in homeroom. He wasn’t looking at you, however; he was looking down the hall where his best friend had bolted off to with the boldest look of devastation you’d ever seen on a human being. For a moment, he just stared off after his friend with a clenched jaw and eyes narrowed against the misery painted over his face before he turned and finally noticed you.

“I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to overhear.” You put your hands up in defense as you told your abject little, white lie. However, the boy in front of you either believed you or was simply too blinded by his own grief to care. “Umm, I don’t want to intrude but… are you alri--”

“I’m fine.” Without even sparing you a second glance, the boy you’d figured must be called Riku turned without a word in the opposite direction that his friend had gone. You stared at Riku’s back as he retreated from your sights before turning your attention back to where Sora had run off to, jogging down the hall in order to find him.

If your assumption was right, and you’re sure it is, this wasn’t as much about the girl they were talking about as much as it was each other.

\---

“Roxas, I know that look, don’t start.”

“They broke up, didn’t they?” Roxas didn’t like bullshit and he wasn’t going to dilly dally around the logistics either. Xion grimaced at him, but she never looked very threatening to Roxas so it did not lower his resolve.

“Yes.”

“Who broke up with who?”

“It doesn’t matter—if you keep looking at me like that I’m going to kick the shit out of you—but… it was Riku.” Roxas chest blooms in anger as his teeth clench at an irritated looking Xion.

“That son of a bitch.” Roxas could feel the bile rise in his throat and it burned like fire against his self-control. “After all that time fighting with Sora over her… that… I’m going to actually beat the fuck out of him, I am fucking serious.” Roxas was practically pacing back and forth as Xion grabbed him by the shoulders and steadied him. A gesture that would be met with violence if it were nearly anyone else, but Xion could and would fight him back and that is not a fight he wanted or would even probably win.

“It’s more complicated than you think.”

This didn’t quench the flames of rage, it intensified them. “So, what, then  _they **both**_  broke it off? After everything they put Sora through?! That lowlife bi—"

“Consider your next words carefully, because I will actually end your life.” Xion said haughtily, her grip on Roxas not loosening. “She didn’t really tell me what happened, not everything, but… she was going to confront him about something, I guess this result kind of proved it.”

“What? Was he cheating on her? Because I’ll still--”

“Do you think Riku would be here in one piece if that was true, you fucking slag?” Xion looked around the area she and Roxas were standing, their patch of grass near a tree away from the school was partially isolated but people were definitely looking over at them. “No, he wasn’t cheating on her but… well, he definitely has his heart with someone else.”

Now Roxas was  _really_  confused. “What the fuck does that mean?”

Xion eyed Roxas wearingly, her lips tilted in thought as she watched him. “It’s… complicated.”

“You’ll tell me or I’m going up and beating the answer out of him.” Xion’s hands twitched up like they were going to go for his throat, but they didn’t move from his shoulders. Whether or not that was a good thing remained to be seen.

“Sounds cliché, but he’s probably beating himself up more than your bitter ass ever could.”

“Jesus, where’d you get that from, a mug?”

“Roxas, it’s not my fucking secret to tell.”

“Secret? Xion, I’m not going to fucking entertain this shit anymore, if you’re not going to tell me anything then—"

“Riku’s in love with Sora.”

For a second, Roxas wasn’t sure if he had just heard wrong or if he just thought that because his ears were ringing from him holding his breath for so long. “He…  _What_?”

“He’s been distant from her the last few months, at least that’s what Kairi’s been telling me.” Xion was practically leaving bruises on Roxas’ shoulders from how tightly she was gripping him, but Roxas could barely feel them from the shock he was still wading in. “He’d stopped telling her that he loved her, stopped hugging her or kissing her unless she’d initiated it. Hell, towards the end there he was basically avoiding her at every turn. She was really distraught, she was telling me everything, and we decided to… watch him. I thought that maybe he was cheating on her, I was going to just beat him within an inch of his life but Kairi decided watching would be better.” Xion shrugged and, for a second, Roxas realized that they were really more alike than he’d ever given thought to. “Then we started to notice… Any time Sora was so much as _mentioned_ , his whole expression and demeanor would change, like, he’d try and change the subject or avoid talking about him all together. But, when he was around? It was like no one else was there, like the world had faded away.

“She said she didn’t know what to do, I said she should confront him. She did. They broke up, but she wouldn’t tell me what happened or what he said. However, I pretty much knew anyway.”

Roxas wasn’t sure what to say after Xion had finished, silence settled between them before Roxas had turned to look over at Kairi. She was talking with Ventus, but her face was strained, tough lines accentuated her defeated and forlorn expression. “… That’s… sad for her.”

“Imagine what it’s like for Riku.”

The boy nodded at those words, an exasperated sigh passing over his lips. “Well… she isn’t spreading the news, so that’s definitely something.”

“You really think Kairi would do something like that? Fuck off, dude.” Xion pushed Roxas back slightly, protective anger crossing her face. “My sister isn’t like that, you asshole. She didn’t decide on being with Riku to fuck over Sora and you fucking know that.”

Roxas didn’t respond. Back when the incident of Kairi choosing Riku had happened initially, Xion and Roxas had a nearly knock down, drag out fight because of both of their intense protectiveness of their siblings. This conversation would go no where and, honestly, Roxas knew she was right.

“Are you going to look for him?”

Roxas looked at Xion with furrowed brows. “… For who?”

“Riku.” Roxas rolled his eyes at Xion’s words before looking off towards the front doors that Riku and Sora had gone through earlier.

“Yes, I’m going to look for him… but  _not_  to, like, hurt him or anything.”

“Don’t be a jerk about this like you usually are about everything.” Xion said with irritation, her arms crossing over her chest soon after. “I don’t want Riku to think Kairi was telling anyone his business.”

“What do you think I am, some kinda bitter homophobe? I remember the shit Axel went through after he came out, I’m not going to be a dick about this, alright?” Roxas said those words, but he knew why Xion had warned him. Roxas didn’t have the best track record with having… delicacy in situations of any serious nature.

“Could’ve fooled me.” Roxas glared at Xion briefly but sighed in agreement soon after.

“Just… if you start to hear shit, curb it, alright?” Xion nodded, Roxas smiled at his friend sincerely before running off towards the main school doors.

He needed to make sure Riku didn’t do anything  _stupid_ ; like try and get Sora to hate him so that he can try and wash away the “shame” he felt for loving his best friend.

However, this was  _Riku_.

Which meant that that’s probably  _exactly_  what he was doing.


	2. Dig Yourself Deeper

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, so, it's been the later part of a decade since I've been in school. If this high school romp sounds... _old_ or _out of touch_ then I apologize. I mostly lean on how high school was for me.
> 
> And, unfortunately for me, high school was full of bad decisions, crushing on literally any person who gave me the time of day, partying with friends, fucking around, and swapping partners like it was nobodies business.
> 
> So, let me know if it's... too dated.

“Sora!”

You managed to correctly follow the boy’s frantic sprint by going in the direction it seemed the most people were quizzically looking in. This brought you to high arching bleachers where the huddled but completely recognizable form of the brown-haired boy you’d been chasing could be seen. He seemed to stiffen at the sound of your voice, his head turning back slightly from his position on the ground. His knees were tight against his chest, his arms moving back to allow him to look at you.

His timid, demure expression surely didn’t match the sports jersey, cargo shorts, Adidas brand shoes, varsity jock look he had going on. Maybe that’s why so many people stared after him? How such a tender soul fit in among sports ball athletes was currently beyond your faculties.

“[Your Name]?” Your heart splintered involuntarily at his cracked, emotional filled voice. “How’d you find me...?”

You decided not to say “Well, everyone you passed was staring and talking about you.” because that absolutely wouldn’t help the situation at all.

“... Intuition.” You said lamely, maneuvering through the bleacher’s beams as delicately as you possibly could in order to nestle yourself next to the boy. He wouldn’t meet your eye at first, his hands moving up to wipe away the fallen tears from his face. “I... uhh, I know this isn’t any of my business, you just looked... upset.” You knew you couldn’t say much more than that without giving away how much you heard of their conversation, and you also didn’t want to lead in with assumptions or apologizes.

“It’s... fine.” Sora sighed, his breathing hitched, he quickly tried to morph it into an unbelievable cough, so you decided to play along with it. “I just... needed to be alone... quickly.”

Hmm, perhaps you’d found “mutual excuse lameness kinship” in this kid. That was something, right?

“So...” You could tell he didn’t want to talk about whatever happened between him and Riku, at least not yet. Maybe you could diffuse him, bring some light to the almost oppressive depression aura surrounding you both. “You have... a sports jersey. You play... sports?”

Lame was an old term, wasn’t it? Like something from an 80’s sitcom starring unruly teenagers who do something fantastical like flood the house or crash a lawnmower into their parents’ new car before learning the value of telling the truth or the D.A.R.E. program or something. No, you were currently being... a fucking idiot? That sounded more accurate.

“Uhh... yeah.” That seemed to refocus him, at least. Barest bones of a smile peaking onto his face, shoulders slouching and eyes glancing up to catch yours sheepishly. “Soccer. We got issued our jerseys this morning, pretty excited about it, actually.”

You nodded, craning your head back to see a white number 8 and what must’ve been his last name written across the red jersey. Single digit numbers must be... important?

“Center midfielder.” Sora laughed out, obviously reading the confusion written on your face when your brain desperately tried to field the information into something useful. “I kind of... do a little bit of everything? Depending on where the ball is I have to make the decision to play offensive or defensive, be able to handle the ball and pass without the other team getting it. I have to make sure the offense and defense are ready to handle the ball at any time.”

He looked nice, soft, as he talked. You could see the tension leave his body and his limbs unfurl to relax, a tender expression on his face. You noted, passively, that his eyes looked a lot like Roxas’. Not that you were thinking about Roxas, you’d just noticed is all.

“Kind of like the core support of the team? That... seems to fit what I can tell about you, anyway.” You laughed shortly, tongue running along your surprisingly chapped lips as you looked down. “I, uhh, I don’t know shit about sports, so... sorry.”

Sora laughed, in the kind of way that bounced off the air around him and brightened everything it touched. He leaned his shoulder into yours for a moment, head sweeping down towards the ground but in your direction with a smile. “Thanks.”

“No problem.” You let your gaze slide over to catch the distant expression Sora’s face had. “So... uhh, I noticed you had some kind of confrontation with the kid in my math class.” You thought Sora was going to move away from you after you said that, but he didn’t. “He seemed... sad, as he watched you leave.” Sora still didn’t move, which was probably a good sign. “Really sad, like in those movies when someone says goodbye to someone they don’t want to lose but has to because they think it’s what’s “best” for them.”

Ahh, he moved. You wonder if that was because he was uncomfortable or because, maybe, he knew you were on to something. You resisted the urge to move yourself towards him instead, your eyes finding purchase in the concrete beneath his feet as you brought your knees to your chest.

“Movie analogy, huh?”

“I have a penchant for them.” Something in Sora’s expression softens, something akin to familiarity or comfort.

“I don’t know what he’s thinking.” Sora said after a minute of silence, but you couldn’t tell if he was saying it to you or the metal beam in front of him or the wind or himself. “Why go through all that trouble, just to... leave her? Why fight with me over her just to break up and act like nothing happened?”

“Maybe...” You could be digging yourself and him and Riku and anyone else they know into a deep, dark hole with this, but you continue. “Maybe he realized she wasn’t the reason he was fighting you.”

“Sora?”

Both you and the aforementioned boy snapped your heads back at the noise, black hair and a surprisingly tender expression greet you.

“Vanitas.” Sora said evenly, his body moving away from you before he stood up to his full height. You didn’t make any moves to mimic him, just watched as he began to walk back towards his mirror image. Sora suddenly stopped right before he was out from the shadow of the bleachers, tossing his head back towards you. “You want to come along?”

You pursed your lips in a thin line, hand lowering to grasp at the outline of your phone in your pants pocket.

“Maybe another time.”

“Gonna hang out with half stomped Pepsi cups and Doritos bags instead?” Your eyes moved to lock with Vanitas’, his expression considerably less friendly than before.

“Trash and I have an understanding, I’m in good company.” You leaned more onto your calves, your body balancing on the balls of your feet while your arms wrapped around your legs. “Gotta make a phone call, ya know?”

“Will...” Both you and Vanitas moved your eyes to Sora, his eyebrows furrowed and lips strained. “Will you... hang out with us today? Like, after school?”

You managed a smile. “Definitely.”

Vanitas looked annoyed, Sora smiled. “We usually meet by the school sign out front, okay?”

With that, Vanitas grabbed his brother’s arm and pulled him back towards the school; however, Sora’s eyes stayed trained on you for longer than you expected them to. 

You wondered, idly, if you’d made the right choice following after him after all.

Your phone began vibrating in your pants pocket, you answer and lift it to your ear without so much as glancing away from where Sora and Vanitas walked off to.

“Hey... I think I’m gonna have to bail on our plans today.”

\---

“Riku!”

Those tensed shoulders could be absolutely nobody _else_ , even if his moonbeam bright ass hair didn’t give him away in a crowd. But, he wasn’t in a crowd. He was huddled next to a tree near the library, a place no one ever wanted to go because it never got sun and was a mud slick mess constantly.

Roxas dribbled back and forth with the possibility that Riku would book it but, honestly, Riku wasn’t the type to try and bring that much attention to himself. Sora, however? That kid was probably sprinting through the school absolutely unaware of how childish or stupid he looked. Sora was... what was the term? “Exuberantly oblivious?” Well, that’s what Ventus called him. Roxas usually settled on “dumbass.”

“Roxas.” Oh, that tone would’ve tipped him off even if Roxas wasn’t already very aware as to what was going on. “I’m guessing you’re here to rip into me about the fight with Sora.”

Roxas’ big brother instinct wanted to respond, “ _I sure fuckin’ do._ “ but he merely pursed his lips instead. “Not... exactly.”

Riku wasn’t looking anywhere in Roxas’ direction, wasn’t even pretending to do anything other than stare down at the semi-mud/almost dirt beneath his very dirty boots. “You’re “not exactly” going to kick my ass, then?”

“I don’t fight people who _want_ me to kick their ass, I don’t do charity work.” Roxas stomped next to Riku then, his foot moving up to push at Riku’s legs just enough to make him have to catch his balance and look up. “You wanna tell me why you’re breaking up with hard won girlfriends and starting petty fights with my brother?”

Riku doesn’t say anything, his eyes drifted back to the mud as he shoved his hands in his pockets. “Word gets around, huh?”

“More like I have eyes and Kairi’s upset and Sora’s upset and here you are, brooding like you’re fucking Batman or something.” Roxas lifted his leg up to push at Riku again, but this time Riku slapped his shoe away. “Look, dude, shit’s tough or whatever. I don’t like giving pep talks--”

“Or give good ones.”

“Fuck off--” Roxas responded, his legs twitching to kick at Riku again. “You’re acting... I dunno, dude, you’re acting like a guy in one of those movies where he fucks up everyone’s life because of some misunderstanding and yakety sax-ing his way out of taking responsibility for shit.”

“Man, Sora’s right, you _do_ make stupid movie analogies when you don’t know what to say.”

“You’re hot for my brother and you’re trying to fight with him to make him hate you.” Riku’s whole body froze at Roxas’ words, jaw tense and eyes wide. “How’s that for a fucking analogy?”

“Kairi--?”

“No, she didn’t say anything.” Roxas’ memory flashed of Xion’s thinly veiled, bluntly put threats about implicating Kairi in this mess. What else had she said? _“Don’t be a jerk about this like you are about everything.”_ Well, **that** certainly wasn’t heeded, was it? “Let’s just say, it was a meeting between concerned siblings.”

Riku had not even attempted to look back in Roxas’ direction, he looked like he wanted to curl into himself and sink into the not-mud beneath him. Not that Roxas could blame him, he would probably be wanting the same thing if the roles were reversed.

“Look, I’m not here to, like, give you some heart to heart and a shoulder to cry on but, like... I’m in your corner, or whatever.” Wow, Roxas was _really_ terrible at sounding sincere. “I just... I don’t know, I need you to find some constructive way to deal with it that isn’t trying to push my brother away and hurt him, ya know?” Silence. “You mean a lot to him.”

“What if... he hates me?” Roxas openly scoffed at Riku, the aforementioned boy shoving his hands even deeper into his pockets at the noise.

“Right, _Sora_ is going to hate _you_ , sure.”

“He said that I’m not his best friend.”

“He’s just upset about Kairi, give it 45 minutes and it’ll be like nothing happened.”

“This isn’t the same, Roxas.”

“You’re his best friend, Riku. The longest he’s ever been mad at you was once when he was 10 and you said you hated _Mumford & Sons_ and told him he was a hipster... In fact, I don’t think he could even be more mad at you than that, honestly.”

“How’d you react when you found out about Axel?”

Roxas raised an eyebrow in confusion, not seeing the connection. “I... didn’t? He’s my best friend, my job is to support him and shit.”

“No, I mean about him liking you.”

Roxas rolled his eyes, arms crossing over his chest indignantly. “He doesn’t fucking _like_ me.”

It was Riku’s turn to look confused. “Roxas, you’re his best friend. You should know better than me when he’s kidding and when he’s pretending to save face.” Silence. “You’ve got to be kidding me, you really thought all of that posturing was just a joke?” More silence. “Shit, you really didn’t know.” 

Roxas realized through his mixture of absolutely incompetent shock and rage at his own primal stupidity that this was an opportunity to show Riku that this kind of information doesn’t change a friendship. And, the more Roxas considered it, the more he realized it _didn’t_ change his friendship with Axel. Sure, it made him kind of scrutinize himself for the very same obliviousness that he accused of Sora, but there was nothing that could ever impact his friendship with Axel. Ever.

“Shit, I can’t _believe_ I’ve acted like such an asshole to him.” Roxas slapped a hand to his forehead in exasperation, a move that was very Sora-esque considering the situation. “Fuck, how does he not hate me after all the times I’ve blown him off and ignored him telling me to my fucking _face_ that he liked me? Christ, what a shitty best friend I am, _fuck_.” Roxas almost immediately forgot about Riku standing in front of him and opted, instead, to pace in a circle with his hands in his hair. “I’m the worst best friend. How can he stand me after all that? How am I going to tell him now? “Hey dude, so I literally **just** realized you were serious all this time and I’m sorry I’m such a shithead.” How the fuck--”

The sound of Riku laughing so hard he had to gasp for air was _not_ something Roxas had been expecting and it was definitely enough to stun him into silence.

Roxas watched as Riku put his hand out to brace himself against the tree beside him, other arm wrapping around his abdomen as he panted with laughter. The sound was loud, it echoed everywhere, it bounced and rebounded and it sounded... relieved.

“You know, everyone says Sora is like Ven, but I think they got it all wrong.” Riku looked up then, his eyes soft and his expression relaxed. “Thanks, Roxas. Most brothers wouldn’t be so...”

“Understanding? Yeah, well, me coming here is as a service to my brother and not me being okay with you lusting after him.” Roxas pointed at Riku. “My brother isn’t a piece of meat.”

“Dude, gross. Stop being weird.”

“Look, I don’t know how to approach this, I only have movies to work off of.” Riku pinched the bridge of his nose, Roxas continued. “He’s still my brother, I live to cockblock at any opportunity.”

“Yeah, this is the opposite of stopping, actually.”

“Whatever. Blah blah, you hurt him, I kill you. Etcetera, etcetera.” Roxas waved his hand after he finished, his eyes moving along the throngs of people moving back towards the main building after what must’ve been a bell toll. He craned his head around desperately trying to find the fire engine red hair he was so accustomed to. “So, stop brooding otherwise your parents are going to die and you’ll have to adopt a bunch of kids.”

“Alright, you can stop comparing me to Batman.”

“You _wish_ you were Batman, dude. There’s a difference.”

\---

You locked your phone against the 15 unread messages displayed on the front screen atop a black and white photo of a broken bridge and you standing at the precipice of it. You could feel it vibrating again as you pressed it into your pocket, your face grimacing as you strode out the front doors of the school.

Maybe you shouldn’t have agreed to hang out with Sora.

Then again, you know that you wouldn’t have been able to tell him no. His face looked too beaten, too dejected, and he had the kind of eyes that took hold of your soul and wouldn’t let go. That must be why Riku had fallen for him, you think. You can’t imagine looking into those eyes every day and _not_ feel your heart twinge over time. Then again, maybe you’re just a sucker for people who you could easily break.

Your pocket vibrates again, you scowl.

Your eyes scan ahead, catching the familiar sight of blonde hair and a bored expression with surprise. As you approach, you see bright blue eyes dart in your direction, past you at first, but then slowly settling on your form. There didn’t seem to be any particular expression on his face, no sign of familiarity. You looked the boy up and down for a moment, trying to recall if Roxas had been wearing those clothes in home room. You aren’t really sure, but you don’t think you remember the cream-colored sweater, don’t think you recall recognizing how it brought out the milkiness of his skin.

“Ventus...?” You said experimentally, shoulders raised and expression certainly sheepish. 

The eyes he had trained on you seemed to widen slightly, obvious shock within them, before a tender smile broke over his face. “Uhh... yeah! You... you guessed right.”

Your chest tightened slightly, you felt accomplished. “Don’t give me too much credit, Roxas wasn’t wearing a sweater in homeroom.” _And I would’ve remembered it_. You thought soon after. Your phone vibrates again.

“Hey, you at least tried. More than can be said for other people here that’ve known us since elementary school.” There it was. Just like Roxas, but less obvious; there was obviously some resentment in those statements.

You walked up beside Ventus before giving him a sincere smile. “I’m [Your Name], I sit in front of Roxas, so I kind of know who you are.”

“Yeah, I definitely remember.” You licked your lips at Ventus’ words, not sure of the implication. “You can call me Ven, that’s what friends call me.”

Friends. Nickname informalities, representative of closeness and familiarity. You grinned at him, a voice in the back of your mind commenting on how fiery his eyes seemed even compared to Roxas. 

You mind catches for a moment, the name “ _Ven_ “ playing and echoing in your head as you try and pinpoint why that sounded so familiar. Today is certainly the first time you’d met him or his brother, but his appearance coupled with that nickname seemed to trigger something.

Your phone vibrates again.

You groan, taking out your phone to see that now you’re getting a _phone call_. Really?

“Sorry, I’m getting a call.” You said demurely, bringing your phone to your ear and walking a few feet away from Ventus. “What?”

“You’re going to bail on us, huh?” The feminine voice that met your ears takes hold of your body for a moment, your silence spurring it on. “And here I came all this way.”

“Some... people wanted to hang out after school. I thought it’d be nice to make some friends.” Should you leave? No, you promised Sora. You promised yourself.

Things will be different this time.

“You sound so sure of yourself.” The voice states matter-of-factly, the telltale inhale and crinkle of cigarette ashes sounding on the other side. “What about old friends?”

_What about me?_ The voice was clearly saying, the implication there without the need for words.

“What _about_ “old friends?” You said tightly, eyes travelling behind you to see Roxas arriving with a few other people you recognize trailing behind him. “I gotta go. I’ll call you later.”

“We’ll see.” She said, the slick sound of a tongue dragging across lips hinting soon after. “Have fun.”

The line goes dead.

“[Your Name]?” You dropped your arm to your side in time to the sound of your name being spoken behind you. Your eyes locked with the surprisingly upbeat gaze of Sora, an infinitely more agreeable Riku standing behind him. You resisted the urge to raise an eyebrow at this--they... _did_ just have a fight, like, 2 hours ago, right?--and instead smiled before marching up to the small group.

“Sora, hey.” You said like an idiot, smile turning to a tight-lipped grin. 

“Looks like you met my brothers this morning, so I guess there’s no need for introductions.” You narrowed your eyes at the boy, Sora’s own blinking owlishly at you. “Uhh... Ven and Roxas. They’re my older brothers.”

Ahh, that explained the eyes.

“Oh.” You turned your attention to the aforementioned boys, noting the difference in expressions when you did so. Roxas--who was wearing a black and white plaid button-up, the top three buttons undone to reveal the barest hint of a black band tee beneath--shoved his hands further into his pockets, his gaze held off to the side with a blank stare. Ventus, on the other hand, smiled pleasantly and kept eye contact with you, his thumbs hooking through the belt loops of his jeans as he did so. “Huh, two sets of twins, eh?”

“Their poor mother.” You turned with the others towards the source of the statement, fire red hair and a lazy grin catching your eye. “Four boys are hard enough, but this brood is worse than most.”

Each boy responded, each in their own way, Vanitas barked something rude while Sora rolled his eyes and Ventus laughed. Roxas, however, seemed to just stare at him, a strange look on his face.

“Axel.” The sound was soft, you briefly wondered why he looked so guilty.

Axel, at least you assume that would be his name, didn’t seem to respond to or acknowledge any of the boys and instead planted himself next to you. “You do get used to them, though.”

“I imagine.” You managed to say a few moments later, smile widening when Axel caught your gaze and grinned.

“So, are we going to leave or just stand here because I have shit to do.” Vanitas’ voice seemed impatient and he didn’t even wait for an answer before walking off with an exasperated Sora trailing behind him.

“Do you ever get sick of yourself?” Sora said haughtily, eyes glancing back to see Riku laughing behind him and his face going soft for a moment. Your interest piqued for a moment, your legs spurring you forward.

“Have fun, I have some stuff to take care of.” Axel begun backing away from you, some of the group looking back as some girls started to approach from the direction of the track field.

“What was the purpose of even coming over here then?” Ventus said dryly to which Axel shrugged, before he could walk off, however, Roxas moved towards him.

“Axel, wait.” This drew everyone’s attention; the red head tossed a look behind him while everyone else trained their eyes on the blonde. “Just... call me later.”

“Get a room!” Someone shouts from somewhere you couldn’t place; your eyes darting around to try and find who had spoken. A few of the others seemed to do the same, but Roxas and Axel just held each other’s gazes as if no one else was there.

If you’d given yourself some time to wonder, some time to contemplate, you may have taken note of the tension in Axel’s limbs and the determination in Roxas’. You may have thought back to any of the books you’d ever read, any of the shows you’d ever seen, and you may have come to the conclusion that some coming-of-age style shit was going down. You may have even noticed the thinly masked longing that echoed behind Axel’s eyes.

But you _weren’t_ pondering, you _weren’t_ wondering, and you certainly _weren’t_ looking at anyone other than Roxas. So, you missed all of it.

“Sure thing, Rox.” With that, Axel waved a hand and proceeded to walk down the sidewalk away from the rest of you.

You barely registered the small group of girls who’d arrived as well, ever so barely recognized the pained expression Sora and Riku greeted one of them with, and even to a lesser extent noticed how the black-haired girl seemed to be regarding you with an expression akin to appreciation and interest. You barely registered this, very barely, but your eyes were still trained on the plaid wearing blonde boy in front of you.

He was still looking after Axel, the guilt that was in his eyes intensified and you resisted the urge to reach for him and ask what was wrong.

“Hey, [Your Name]!” You tore your eyes from Roxas’ form to catch Ventus’ identical one, a smile on his face as he gestured you towards him, his gaze moving to his twin soon after. “Roxas, let’s go.”

The boy squared his shoulders for a moment before he turned, eyes finding yours almost immediately and holding on before shifting to his twin.

“Coming.”


	3. What Ifs and If Onlys

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I... really like where this story is going? It's kinda cathartic. Make no mistake, my high school experience wasn't _quite_  like this, but it was similar enough that I kind of enjoy writing out the drama. Feels kind of like... closing a book.
> 
> Just to let you all know, high school is messy and stuff is weird. Pairings are... eventual. You and other characters have been and may be involved with others than what the pairings suggest. Keep that in mind.
> 
> Also, the Reader isn't straight. Pretty much no one in this story is. It's like I said in my tags, Tetsuya Nomura made everyone in Kingdom Hearts LGBT in some way but he is a coward so, if he won't confirm it then _I will_.
> 
>  
> 
> **The kids are gay!**

“Hey, I’m Xion.” You looked up from your perch on a stool next to a gigantic island in the middle of a gigantic kitchen connected to a gigantic “family room” where enough people were talking and fighting and playing video games and everything that it could be considered a party. Clearly this was just... how many people there usually were in this home. Not that it seemed to matter much, everything was huge and spread out and clearly could accommodate all the kids kicking and yelling and laughing.

It was... nice. 

“Hey.” You finally respond, eyes locking with ultramarine ones, a sheepish smile greeting her. “I’m [Your Name], I guess no one thought to introduce us.”

“Yeah, these guys have no fucking manners.” You laugh, any nervousness or apprehension you previously had weakening its hold on you. You idly note the high collared black top Xion was wearing, sleeveless and tight in a multitude of flattering ways that you definitely weren’t thinking about. Your gaze drifts back up to Xion in time to see her flash you an almost knowing grin, your chest blooming in embarrassment soon after. “Where’re you from?”

You took two beats, tried to think of the ramifications of telling the truth, and responded hesitantly. “Uhh, Departure. It’s kinda near Radiant Garden.” Your head was spinning what ifs, what ifs, _what ifs_. 

Xion’s eyes softened, her attention turning towards the family room where everyone seemed to be commenting on the _Super Smash Bros_ game that was so heatedly underway. “Departure, huh? Know a few people out there.”

Uh oh. “Really? That’s cool.” As if on cue, your phone vibrates for a second in your pocket and you almost expected it to cause an earthquake.

If Xion had any notion of who your friends were, or of who _you_ were, she didn’t make any mention of it. She just swung her legs back and forth around either side of her stool, hands gripping the front of her seat while she leaned forward. You must’ve been watching her perhaps a little too long, because she glanced back at you and grinned.

“Something about me _that_ good to look at?”

You laugh, heat rising to your face soon after. “I dunno, trying to figure out if I know you from somewhere.” You pause for a second. “You have a cute face, though.”

You half expected Xion to remark back, but you’re pleased when her face flushes against the smug look in her eyes. “Back atcha.”

“Jesus, you guys done flirting back there?” You shoot a limp glare over to Vanitas, currently sitting on the arm of the large couch his family and friends lounged on. 

“Just because you can’t get anyone to suck your dick doesn’t mean the rest of us have to be cognizant of it. Grow up.” The room erupts in various levels of “ _Oh **shit**!_“ and “ _Fucking obliterated!_ “ and Vanitas grits his teeth at Xion who remarks him coolly, a sweet smile on her face. She looks back at you, gaze holding yours for a moment too long, before she gestures forward. “I guess our presence is missed.”

You smirk back. “I guess it is.”

\---

Roxas was decidedly _not_ aware of the quiet conversation [Your Name] and Xion were having in the kitchen. He was absolutely not even paying attention to the way Xion was so fucking _obviously_ batting her eyes and smirking that smirk she _always_ _has when she’s flirting with someone_. While he was at it, he _also_ wasn’t paying attention to the way [Your Name] responded similarly, eyes trailing over Xion like no one else was watching.

So, of course, Roxas definitely _wasn’t_ pleased at all when Vanitas shifted from beside him and brought this display to everyone’s attention and made both girls suddenly aware of everyone else in the area. He would readily admit, however, that he _was_ aware of the fucking sick comeback Xion had delivered that absolutely eviscerated his brother. But, only because Xion was still his best friend and she could cut people better than anyone he’d ever seen.

A few brief words later, and _another_ flirtatious exchange that Roxas **wasn’t paying attention to stop asking** , and both girls moved into the family room. Xion jumping over the back of the couch and ungracefully onto Sora, who yelped in pain before being pushed onto the floor. Everyone laughed; [Your Name] included, though she did glance down at Sora with a slightly guilty look. Afterwards, there was a burst in noise as people argued over who was going to play _Smash Bros_ and who was going to wait.

Roxas shook his head when his twin asked him if he wanted a turn, something that was met with in incredulous stare and a shrug, and then went back to _not_ watching [Your Name] as she sat on the ground by the part of the L-shaped couch that was farthest from him.

“She guessed who I was correctly, at the sign.” Roxas glanced back to his brother, noting that Ventus also wasn’t playing--what the fuck was the look for, then?--and was also sending glances over to the new girl. “Said “Roxas wasn’t wearing a sweater in homeroom.” which means, of course, she was paying enough attention to remember.”

“Yeah, dude, I remember what _she_ was wearing, that’s pretty typical of people you’re paying attention to.”

Ventus smirked. “I know. She’s paying attention.”

Roxas wasn’t stupid, he knew that the pleasant smile on his twin’s face and the decidedly giddy glint in his eyes was probably not good. Roxas also considered, passingly, that a new girl arriving at a school where most people had known each other for years was probably going to end up being a fucking warzone.

Suddenly, he wasn’t sure what he was doing anymore.

\---

“She’s from Departure.”

Roxas glanced over at Xion as he put some dishes in the dishwasher, the aforementioned girl lying across his giant couch with her phone pressed to her face. Ventus rounded the corner after showing the last of their friends out, his hand gesturing down to Xion as if to ask, “ _Why is she still here?_ “

Roxas shook his head, “ _I dunno, sometimes she just likes to cause trouble_.” and Ventus rolled his eyes because, yes, the reason Xion and Roxas were best friends _was_ because they were too alike.

“Departure, huh?” Roxas finally said, drying off his hands and walking back into the mostly picked-up family room. “Don’t fucking know where that is.”

“Idiot.” Xion said coolly, Ventus leaning over the back of the couch with a laugh as Roxas kicked at Xion’s resting legs, resulting in her swinging hers back at him. “It’s by Radiant Garden, there isn’t much there.”

“Wow, I’m an idiot for not knowing a city where there’s nothing fucking there.”

“Yeah, nothing’s there because its where the county juvie center is and general foster care kids live.” Silence settled over the group, Roxas and Ventus exchanging looks for a moment. “Don’t fucking blab about that to anyone, either.”

“We _won’t_ but, also, why _tell us that_?” Ventus says, leaning more of his body onto the back of the couch, body sliding forward to the point that his head hit the cushions.

“Because I think she knows Aqua.”

Silence again, Roxas noting the tension and rigidness taking hold of Ventus’ entire body before he slid back and stood to his full height. Something incredulous passes over his twin’s face, something akin to pain and somehow even closer to betrayal.

“How...” Ventus’ voice was quiet, lips thin and eyes fixed on the floor by his feet. Xion made no move to look at him, her face still buried in her phone. “What makes you think that?”

“This does.” At this, Xion brings her phone up, waving it in the air for a mere second before Ventus snatched it from her hand. Roxas leapt forward onto the couch, moving to sit on the back and glance over his twin’s shoulder to see what Xion was talking about.

Aqua’s Instagram, that much was obvious. Roxas tried to look at the rows of tiny photos on the app but opted, instead, to watch the concerned face of his brother as he scrolled through. After a few swipes, Roxas could see Ventus’ chest rise and fall sharply, his thumb tapping a picture and bringing it up.

That... certainly looked like [Your Name]. Not that much could be seen aside from the stark contrast between Aqua’s lips pressed to her ear and the dark of the street gleaming behind them. Roxas thought, for a moment, that the look on [Your Name]‘s face wasn’t... happy? She was smiling, but it didn’t look... well, it _looked_ strained. He thought back to earlier that afternoon, her hovering on the arm of his couch while yelling about being ganged up on in _Smash_. Riku trying to push her off the edge when she managed to KO him, her free hand reaching out to grab at his shirt and throw herself on top of him. She was laughing even as she fell onto the floor, the sound reverberating across the room as Kairi barely managed to catch her and pull her up into an embrace.

This smile looked nothing like that.

“You think she knows we know?” Ventus finally says, his eyes never moving from the picture even though it looked like it was killing him over and over again.

“I said I knew some people in Departure but didn’t say anything else.” Xion was staring up at the ceiling with a blank expression, lips pursed thin much like Ventus’ were. “She looked worried, scared.”

The more Roxas looked at the picture on Xion’s phone screen, the more it pissed him off. He leapt from his perch on the back down onto the couch itself, Xion pushing her legs onto his lap soon after.

“Don’t tell her.” Roxas and Xion both look up at this, Ventus locking Xion’s phone and handing it to her without ever looking her in the eye. “Better to not dredge that shit up. If she’s here, then...”

“She got away.” Roxas finished, neither other person in the room attempting to look at him.

“Last thing we need is that brood back here.” Xion said dryly.

“Agreed.” Ventus remarks, his eyes trained on something invisible in the distance.

If Roxas were a betting man, and he decidedly _wasn’t_ , he’d bet that [Your Name] would find out sooner or later. That all their friends would.

Meaning, of course, _the others_ would, too.

 _Fucking great_.

\---

Axel had never really been one to hover, around people or things or situations or circumstances, because he much more liked to watch shit unfold from a distance. He was _around_ all of the stupid, bitter drama, but never directly involved in it. It served him just as well, that kind of information would and had come in handy on a handful of occasions, but it had caused him to take something of a back seat in his own life. _Keep your distance_ , he always scolded himself, _never know when someone will use your own shit against you_.

That’s approximately what he was telling himself as stared down at his cell phone, messages from an old friend glinting up at him.

**Stay away from her. I know you like to help yourself, but not this time.**

Axel brought his newly lit cigarette to his lips, eyes scanning around the lines of text while his gaze kept falling back to the picture he’d sent to elicit that response.

[Your Name] was a cute girl, certainly didn’t look the type to keep mixed company around, and the picture of her that he’d taken in secret from a distance surely didn’t give anything away, either. In actuality, other than the fact that he recognized those blisteringly intense eyes, he probably wouldn’t have been able to tell himself. Unfortunately for her, though, Axel had a memory a mile long and a protective streak even longer.

If this girl was part of _that_ crowd, it was going to get difficult again. Difficult for everybody, difficult for Axel, and difficult in the kind of way that not everyone will come out unscathed. 

However, there was a part of Axel’s brain that questioned the entire situation, where wheels turned and churned and whirred around in his mind. Something was distinctly _absent_ from the wording of the texts he’d been receiving, something that made him give to pause to just the kind of person he thought [Your Name] could be.

“What’s wrong with me having friends?”

Axel’s head practically reels at the soft voice he hears, seafoam eyes looking over the second-floor balcony of his job where he’d been taking his break. There, turning towards the ancient apartment complex next door, [Your Name] stood on the sidewalk with her phone pressed to her ear.

 _Keep your distance_ , his brain reminded.

“I just... I just wanted to hang out with some people out here.” He could hear it, the reluctance in her voice, like she was talking someone off a cliff. “This is the only school that was willing to work with--... I know, I _know_ , but my case worker--... Please... just don’t be mad... I know, I won’t bail like that again... Yes... I’m sorry...” Axel grimaced hard at the conversation, the telltale thickness of emotion in [Your Name]‘s voice sticking to his skin.

Just like that, it all clicked and fell into place.

Axel’s attention is grabbed again when a single, strangled cry sounds out from the girl on the concrete below. She had her phone in her hand, clenched hard, then lifted it fast, like she was going to slam it down or crush it under her hands or throw it across the parking lot.

Then, she _does_. She throws her phone into the grassy foliage in front of the apartment building, shoulders bouncing up and down before she plopped down onto her heels and put her head in between her knees.

A few minutes pass before she stands up, walks onto the grass, and picks up her phone. Hands dropping to her side, her phone disappearing into her pocket, before her arms wrapped around her body as she moved down to the sidewalk and down the street further, into the driveway of a big house that Axel was _very_ familiar with.

His eyes fell back down to his phone, another message having popped up beneath the last he’d read.

**Do not give us a reason to come back, Axel.**

_Keep your distance_ , his brain urged.

 _Yeah fucking right_ , he thought immediately afterwards.

Axel glanced back at his phone in between drags of his nearly finished cigarette, taking note of the time he had left for his break, before hitting the home button and staring at his background image. It was him and Roxas, a couple of summers ago, when they went into the city and saw some of the local groups up there. 

Axel traversed the underground music scene frequently, intimately aware of the indie groups circulating the area. Every piece of music raw, new--it was angry and hot, scathing commentaries on how fucked up the world was or how fucked up their life was or how badly fucked up _they_ were. It spoke to Axel in a bunch of ways, mostly the angry and disillusioned side, but also in the side that just wanted to _scream_ and _yell_ about the confusing shit he felt inside.

Most people in the scene were gay or bi or trans or some kind of different that the world vehemently hated and pushed back against. So, it would stand to reason that the music of the angry and downtrodden would be by these same kids.

Being closeted can be intense like that.

Those thoughts cause Axel’s memories to drift, travel off towards Roxas... Roxas, who was always too close. Too similar. He was angry, but Axel didn’t think he even knew what he was angry _about_. Roxas had been close for all Axel’s life, followed him at the hip and practically emulated him to a T until the boy had started puberty and decided he would just be angry on his own terms. Followed less at Axel’s hip and more just an arm’s length away.

Axel wasn’t sure when he realized that bothered him. When he realized that he missed the reverence and devotion Roxas seemed to have for him for the majority of their lives. Then he started to wonder even _more_ when it was that Roxas had suddenly stopped looking like his _friend_ and more like something _else_.

Maybe it was at that concert. In that tiny hole in the wall where every body is right against you and you can’t breathe and you can’t think because the music is pulsing through your core so hard it was practically rewriting your genetic code. That moment between sets when Axel elbowed some dude trying to climb to the front of the pit where he and Roxas had finally managed to secure themselves to the barricade at the front of the stage. That split second when he locked eyes with his best friend and watched the way Roxas’ eyes caught the dim stage lights and the way he smiled almost too brightly, tongue running along his chapped lips before laughing.

Yeah, that was probably when.

His phone vibrated in his hands, a different message this time.

**When are you going to fucking call me, idiot?**

Axel couldn’t repress the smile that climbed onto his face, heart probably pounding loud enough for people across the street to hear it.

**You know I can’t sext while at work.**

Just a hair too close, just push it a _fraction_ too far, then backpedal. It was a careful game he had to play, had to watch Roxas to see just how far he was willing to let Axel go. Some days, some very rare occasions, Roxas seemed to allow it to go further than Axel was willing to. He’d be grabbing Roxas’ face, leaning in close, a breaths distance, and all the while baby blue eyes regard him almost passively, almost like they’re daring him to try to see how far he could go.

But he never does.

**Axel. Call me.**

Uh oh, that’s never good. He didn’t even call him a dickhead, that means that something happened. Axel pondered for a moment, eyes glancing back towards where he’d seen [Your Name] walk off to, if she was what he wanted to talk about.

A new face against a sea of the familiar--it didn’t surprise Axel that Roxas would have such an immediate reaction. Ahh, and something else, right? Right, she told him she noticed him before his brother. Didn’t notice their resemblance at first; too taken by him, obviously. And why _wouldn’t_ she? Axel had been, too.

**Axel. Please.**

Wished Roxas would use those words in another context, a context he didn’t ever give himself the luxury of considering, before sighing, crushing his finished cigarette under his heel, and clicking on the boy’s number to dial.

“About fucking time.” Axel grinned at the sound of Roxas’ voice, irritation and something he couldn’t quite place thick in his voice. “You are the only person on this planet that can piss me off the worst, you know that right?”

“Oh, I know, Rox.” Axel breathes out carefully, hand lifting to run through his hair before looking up at the darkened sky. “What did you want from me so badly?”

“I...” Well, that was uncommon. Reluctance, Roxas was nearly stuttering on the other end of the line and it was almost like music to Axel’s ears. “You... You actually fucking like me, huh?”

There it was.

“You’re my best friend, of course I like you.” _Oh, you’re going to play stupid **now**?_

“You know that’s not what I mean, asshole.” Axel waits, doesn’t make any move to answer, so Roxas continues. “I can’t believe I acted like such a bitch, dude. You have all but told me so many fucking times, but I ignored it, I just kept ripping into you and making jokes. Why didn’t you tell me I was being such a dick?!”

 _Because I liked pretending nothing had changed._ “It wasn’t a big deal, dude. You supported me where it mattered, why would anything else even compare?”

Axel remembered those first few weeks, remembered the jeering and the threats. He also remembered, against all that shit, Roxas and Xion staring any person who even thought to try down with the devil’s eyes. Remembered the way Roxas told him that he’d fly into any fray, he’d fight tooth and nail for Axel no matter what and no matter how.

“Whatever the deal, I was a shitty friend. I should’ve fucking been aware.”

“And what would being aware have meant, Roxas?” Axel was playing with fire, and he knew it. He was letting his heart push out a little too much, was letting the game get ahead of him, was going far passed the _fraction_ he was allowed. “What would be different if you’d known this whole time?”

Silence. That much, at least, Axel had expected.

“I don’t know, I didn’t think about that part.” Axel rolled his eyes, of _course_ he didn’t. “I probably wouldn’t have ripped into you so often about the shit you said.”

“See? It doesn’t matt--”

“What do you want to be different?”

 _No_ , Axel’s brain begged, _that’s a fucking unfair question_. “Nothing.”

“Nothing?”

 _Don’t play this game with me, don’t fucking do this to me._ “What do you want me to say, Roxas?”

“What you want from me.”

 _Everything, you fucking idiot._ “This isn’t a fucking joke.”

“I didn’t say it was!”

“What do you want, huh? Me to tell you exactly what it is I want from you?!” A _hair_ to far, a _fraction_ past what was acceptable--but this? This was a fucking football field too far. “What do people typically want from people they like, Roxas? To hold their hands? _Kiss them_? To hold them and look at them and just fucking _be_ and...” Football field? No, Axel had practically taken lift-off and gone to fucking space with this one. “What’s fucking changed, Roxas?”

One beat. Two. Axel’s chest heaved, and his heart settled low in his chest. “I don’t know.”

“Let me know when you do.”

Axel hung up.

Maybe [Your Name] had the right idea before. Maybe throwing his phone would make him feel better.

Probably not... but maybe.

\---

Ventus never much liked to think about the past.

Can’t change it, you know? Why dwell on some stupid shit you can’t do anything about? Why consider the _what ifs_ or the _if onlys_ when they only sought to drown you in thoughts and ideas and _desires_ that could never and will never happen? The moments past and there’s nothing more it can fucking do for you.

At least, that’s what Ventus kept telling himself.

Despite himself, he keeps finding his eyes sliding to the side to land on [Your Name] while they sit in home room. Sometimes she turned around to say something to Roxas, or Riku, sometimes even to him, but she tended to stay looking ahead for the most part. Ventus’ mind whirred wildly as he watched her, trying to decide whether or not he can see a tear or seam or thought of deception. Any inkling that she has an ulterior motive, that there was some kind of scheme behind her eyes that sought to ruin him.

 _This isn’t fair_ , his thoughts complain, _was your friendship with them any different?_

All he can discern in this time, really, is that she checks her phone a lot. Panicked, sometimes, and more often than not she looks like she’s closer and closer to turning it off with each glance. Ventus recognizes the frustration with almost painful familiarity, thoughts wrapping and twisting around him in the kind of way that could probably kill him if it tried hard enough.

“Ven?” Blue eyes dart back towards the girl occupying his tangled thoughts, inquiring eyes softening once they catch his. “You okay?”

Ventus doesn’t resist the smile that pushes onto his face at her question, his mind quieting ever so slightly. “Yeah, I’m just thinking about stuff.”

“Careful not to drown in there, thoughts can fuckin’ ruin you.”

“Yeah, that’s true.”

She turns back around after those words, Ventus catching his brother’s gaze trained on him soon after. He doesn’t match Roxas’ stare, just turns himself back to whatever classwork it was that he was supposed to be doing.

That sentence seemed to follow him for the remainder of his day.

Thoughts were poison, memories and words and feelings twist around into unrecognizable shapes that swim into the deepest part of your soul to kill you. Breaths of memory, of hands and hope and laughter and of danger and fear and loss. Ventus, against the words he’d trained himself on for so long, started to entertain _what ifs_ and _if onlys_ and let himself reach as far back as his heart would let him to the moment he lost everything.

_Does she know he knows? Does she know **him**?_

“Ven?” That voice again, pulling him out of obscurity and back into the light of day. Ventus turns from his place absently staring at the inside of his locker to see [Your Name] leaning against the others beside him.

She smiled.

“[Your Name], what’s up?” Ventus kept his eyes trained on her while he grabbed his lunch from his locker, shutting it soon after.

“Uhh, not much. Kind of just been watching you walk through a fog all day long.”

“ _Ven couldn’t keep a secret if his life depended on it, his baby face always gives him away._ “ Ghost words travel in the air, hang there for a moment, and sink into Ventus like a downpour. How fucking astounding that he can remember the exact tenor of that voice even now, how it still clung to him and wouldn’t let go.

“I’ve been--”

“Thinking about stuff,” I know. And it’s fucking destroying you, dude.” [Your Name] lets her eyes fall to the floor for a moment, a question clearly burning in her chest. “... I... I know that I just met you yesterday, that it’s been only _barely_ 24 hours, but... you can talk to me, yeah?” She shoves her hands in her pockets in a way that decidedly reminds Ventus of his brother. “I know what it’s like to think about stuff so much it kills you and... I... think you deserve someone who understands to listen.”

Sincerity. Every word.

Ventus’ eyes scour her entire form, desperately trying to find the deception, trying to find the lie that would ruin him.

But, he couldn’t.

And that was almost worse.

“Yeah, got it.” He finally managed, body going limp for a mere moment before [Your Name] rushed forward and crushed herself into him.

She was soft, warm, in a way he hadn’t experienced in a long time.

“Sorry, I know this is weird.” She says tenderly, arms still wrapped around him even as he made no move to return the gesture. “You... look kinda like you’re breaking.”

 _What ifs_ and _if onlys_ scream in his brain now, ghosts of the face of the one who sparked age old stirrings within his chest and all but abandoned him. Whispers of friends who delved deeper and deeper to places he couldn’t follow, who pushed him away. _If only I’d pushed harder, if only I’d been willing to fight for them._

Ventus returned the hug after a full minute, face falling onto [Your Name]‘s shoulder as he did so. “Thanks.”

“No problem.”

\---

Someone is going to figure it out. Sooner or later, you speculate, they were going to figure out who you were.

Or, more importantly, who you know.

You were certain after the call that first night, after the reverberating tenor on the other line chastised you for not meeting up with the others. You could hear it in his voice, the dangerous reprimand and the threat. “ ** _We_** _are your friends. You will keep your distance from them, you will **never** tell them about us. Never forget that everything you are is because **I let it be**._“

 _Ven_. The name you had only ever heard in whispers, quietly under both of their breaths in moments when everyone else was gone or when their bodies were close. Like a memory bursting from their minds, dark and painful and angry all at the same time. 

He very rarely said anything of the sort, focused more on the group and on his place within it and barking orders. But, sometimes, in the dead of night when he dragged you down with him, you’d hear the name fall from his lips like a prayer. You never said anything, never asked, because it wasn’t something you’d ever seen end well--asking him questions. On rare occasions, however, when the corners of his lips were upturned, and he looked like a proper _person_ , you could hear the name clearer and stronger and taste the sadness on him as he pulled you in.

She mentioned him much more often. Ghosts of words and thoughts playing over your skin as she spoke, her eyes distant and lips close, her hands playing against you in the dark of night distinctly when he wasn’t around. Sometimes, you think she was trying to tell you something about them, about their past, but every time she got close it would fall apart and she would cradle you ever closer. Her orders were never barked, never raised, but the edge to them was obvious and it was lethal. No one denied her, no one opposed her--except for him, sometimes. 

The times they’d both let you in, when they'd speak to each other quietly while you were pinned nearby, it was almost like belonging. They both seemed so in tune with each other, so aware of the breaths the other took and what they were thinking and what they were feeling. Their faces would be soft, almost vulnerable, and they would look at you like they were afraid you’d disappear. Hands and words and breaths, coming together for a moment before, inevitably, ending in an explosion of screams and fights and blame.

You wonder, idly, if that’s what it was like for Ventus. 

“[Your Name]! You walk to school this way?” You craned your head back, eyes catching baby blue ones as the practically bouncing form of Sora bounded in beside you while his brothers jogged up from around the corner to keep up.

A week had come and gone, a rhythm falling in to place as you were swept up in the goings-on and happenings of a friend group that was all tenderness and inside jokes and play fighting. You weren’t used to the lack of posturing, of secret keeping, of playing for keeps. It was... nice. Nice to just _be_.

“Uhh, not usually. I just had something to do this morning.”

“Oh? What’s that?”

“Just some shopping.” You say simply, giving a smile that Sora returns eagerly. “I’m kind of in charge of my own stuff, so I gotta make time to get things, ya know?”

“In charge of your own stuff?”

“She’s a foster kid, idiot.” Vanitas says with little grace, Roxas swiftly slapping the back of his head with a scowl. “ _Oww_ , fuck!”

“Don’t be fucking rude.” Ventus says snidely, an even glare meeting Vanitas’ glowering expression. “You have to purchase all your own stuff, huh?”

“Yeah, it’s not like a _home_ , per say. Kind of like... transitional housing.” You grinned over at Ventus thankfully. “I get money from the state to live on since I don’t have, uhh, parents. I only stay there until I’m out of high school anyway.”

“You never got adopted?” Roxas slaps Sora’s head quickly, a snarl in his throat.

“Will you be fucking considerate?!”

“It’s just a question, Roxas.” You laugh, hand going out to grab Roxas’ and squeeze, eyes catching almost timid blue ones before he pulled his arm back and looked away. “I, uhh, wasn’t put into foster care until I was older, already a teenager. Most people don’t adopt teenagers.” No one seemed to want to comment on that, so you quickly moved along. “It’s no big deal, I made my way just fine.”

“Why’d you have to move out here, then?”

You didn’t make a move to answer and, to your surprise, Ventus spoke up. 

“Sora, isn’t your soccer game tomorrow? Why is it you’re walking with us and not already at school?”

Sora raised an eyebrow. “We don’t have practice the morning before a game, it’s always like that.”

“You have a game tomorrow? Can I go?”

Sora’s entire face seemed to light up, his shoulders raising and eyes shining as he threw an arm over your shoulder. “Of course! That would be great!”

You laughed, hearty and happy and content, before glancing at both Roxas and Ventus to see them regarding you almost strangely. Roxas quickly looks away, face oppressively flushed as he does so, while Ventus just held your gaze and smiled.

In your pocket, your phone vibrates.


	4. Promises

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one is, uhh, a little short. I have kind of a grand idea for the next chapter and kind of just wanted to touch on some things in this one.
> 
> Sorry for being cryptic!

**We’ll be there tonight, after you’re out of school. You will be at the house within 30 minutes of your final bell**

You scowl at the message, eyes narrowing in concentration, your footfalls stalling just before the threshold of the grass in front of your school.

Sora’s game is at five and, to top it off, you told everyone that you’d meet them at the boy’s house beforehand to hitch a ride since they wanted to go out to eat afterwards. If what these two want is brief, it shouldn’t take more than 20 minutes, which would give you an hour to meet up--but if it were _that_ brief, they wouldn’t be coming.

**Can’t we meet tomorrow? Fridays are easier, it’s not a school night**

Plausible, you _are_ trying to stay as focused on your schoolwork as possible to stay in good graces with your case worker. He was nosy, you didn’t want to give him a reason to come and look any closer than he already has.

**No**

Final. No room to make any other statements or excuses unless you wanted to face the repercussions later. And you do _not_ want to face those repercussions.

**Alright**

You grimace heavily, stomach churning so painfully that you could barely think. 

How were you going to explain this to Sora? He had looked to unabashedly thrilled that you wanted to watch his game, his eyes like fireworks in-between bouts of indignant posturing in response to his twin making fun of his excitement. You recall Ventus telling Vanitas to stop, but it was passive and Roxas would sometimes add fuel to the fire. If you had thought that it was difficult for _you_ to reconcile Sora’s tender personality and jock persona, it was clearly a monumentally different beast for him to grapple with. 

On occasion he’d whisper to you, face alive and voice bright, about something he’d read in a book or a moment from his day that gave him happiness, but the moments were more brief than you expected. More often than not, he watched others with an even expression and pointed gaze, his shoulders slumped and stance wide. You remember once asking him if it was a front--as the others yelled at the television and each other and you found yourselves curled up against a wall away from the noise--and as he considered what you asked something playful crossed his eyes and he said, “Maybe I just like being complicated?”

“[Your Name]?” You turned back, eyes landing on the wistfully concerned face of Riku. His crystal-like eyes bore through you as he approached, hands in his pockets but his shoulder nudging you softly. “Look like you’re about to cry.”

You let in a jagged breath. Oh, he was right. “Yeah, I, uhh, I might miss Sora’s game today.”

A look, like a jolt of electricity surged through him, there and gone in an instant. “He was really looking forward to you going.”

You weren’t sure, but there was something strange in his voice, something that had less to do with Sora and seemed more... pointed at you? He looked tense, his eyes only meeting yours in short bursts and his teeth obviously biting at his lips in irritation. You were _very_ confused as, up until this point, Riku had been perfectly normal towards you, his demeanor much like what he typically had with his other friends.

“Well, I mean, he’s probably looking forward to all his friends going.” 

“All he’s talked about for the last 24 hours is that you’re going to be there.”

Well, _that’s_ jealousy. And, _boy_ , was he bad at hiding it.

“It can be like that with new friends.” No, no, _no_ , the last thing you need is for this. “Excited to show them things that are important to you.” Your stomach does somersaults, your previous nervousness amplifying your stress tenfold, and you start to feel the urge to throw up.

_Please, not this._

Riku’s hand touches your shoulder for a moment, bright eyes softening as he watched you. “Not exactly, but he can be very animated when he finds a reason to be.”

He looked different again, his eyes held yours tenderly while his hand squeezed your shoulder in reassurance. He looks so resigned, so hard in the eyes, as if he was comfortable in the hurt and content with the familiarity of it. You lift your own hand, fingers brushing his for a mere moment before he pulled away and looked off behind you.

“ _I’m not trying to take him from you, I promise. Please, don’t be mad._ “ The corpse of a memory assaults you, grabs you by the throat and tightens.

“[Your Name]! Riku!” You don’t turn to the sound of your name, your eyes desperately trying to lock with Riku’s as you feel the familiar touch of Sora as he wraps an arm around your shoulders.

Riku refuses to look at you. Your heart sinks.

“ _Take him from me? Oh, sweetness, you misunderstand. You’re **both** of ours._“

\---

If you were ever to ask Sora--in the dead of night with no one around who could possibly hear him--if he thought he was any good at being a friend, he would unequivocally and confidentially say _absolutely fucking not_.

For starters, he could not fucking figure out what it was people wanted from him. Did they want him to listen to them, to give them a shoulder to lean on? Did they want him to give them advice or support or words of encouragement? Did they just want him to physically be present, so they weren’t alone? Did they want all of it? None of it? Was there even any way to tell?

He was whoever he could be for as many people as would have him, as many people as would embrace his presence and allow him in. If Sora were being honest, so honest that it eroded every single facet of who he was, he would say that he was _tired_ of being there for everyone. Tired, it seemed to him, of being a friend.

But, he would never be that honest. He would never, fucking _ever_ , even so much as allow himself the reoccurring _thought_ of that. No, even in his darkest and most exhausted moment, he would go to and be there and protect any person who ever needed him--people he’d just met, people he’d barely known. It was so _engrained_ in him. From somewhere, from some time and place he didn’t know and never would, that he was a _protector_ , that he was the _heart_ of all his friends. He would say anything, do anything, _be_ anything...

Because, if you were ever to ask Sora--in the dead of night with no one around who could possibly hear him--if he thought he was worth even so much as a sidelong glance, he would unequivocally and confidentially say _absolutely fucking not_.

“Sora?” His name sounded like a myth, like something unreal and uncertain and barely worth the extra thought put in to saying it. But the voice spoke it with such weight and meaning that the sound alone grounded him in reality. “You okay?”

Sora pulled himself away from the clouds, eyes darting to the side to see his siblings and friends standing just out of reach from where he lay on the grass. He allowed himself moments, seconds within seconds, where he could drop all pretense and simply exist, but it was only in times of comfort and ease. Those moments, however, were seldom and sought only in very particular company.

“Fine.” He said reflexively, eyes going back to the sky, and a grimace settling on his face at the snort that responded to him. “What, a guy can’t stare off into space?”

“Stare off too long and you’ll float right into the sky.”

“Good thing you’re here to keep me on the ground.”

Riku hummed in response, the sound deep and masculine and with a hint of exasperation coated over it, before settling down beside him. Sora couldn’t stop the soft, almost sad, smile that snuck its way onto his face after Riku’s response. He wondered if Riku ever got tired of posturing like he did, tired of all the pretense and emotional distance, or if he really _was_ that aloof deep down. Sora had known him for so long, so long that he couldn’t produce a single memory of his life before Riku had existed in it, that he should know the answer to that intrinsically. It should be like knowing the back of your hand! That was his best friend!

But, sometimes, he wondered how much he really and truly knew him.

“You’re going to short circuit your brain if you keep thinking so hard.” A hand messes through his hair for a moment, Sora reflexively shoving at Riku with a laugh to stop him. “Really, what’s wrong?”

 _There_. Right there! That _look_ , that look like just being next to Sora was too much for him, like he would run off or burst or scream at any second. Sora couldn’t understand it, couldn’t even remember when he’d first started noticing it, but whenever he tried to ask Riku would blow him off. 

_Why does even **looking** at me make you so mad?_

When did the safest person in his world start to resent him so much?

“Well, maybe I need a short circuit once in a while.” Sora said quietly, his chest lurching and his eyes seeking absolutely anything else except for the boy beside him.

Almost instantly, his attention lands on [Your Name], her playful grimace fixed firmly on Roxas as he shouts some mouthy response at her. She laughs, head falling back as she does so, her hands reaching out towards Xion to keep herself upright. In an instant, as her eyes open, she locks against Sora’s gaze. For a second, she looks sad, her eyes fluttering to the side of him for a moment before she looks down and away. 

“I think [Your Name] is avoiding me.”

He didn’t think, he _knew_. Whatever it was that happened between her and Riku that morning, the palpable sadness on her face clear as day, it bled through into any interaction she had with Sora. He was disappointed she couldn’t attend his game--she had been asking him about soccer when they spoke alone, had been interested in how he played--but, even after that, she seemed to almost... give him the cold shoulder?

“Probably feels bad for not being able to show up tonight.”

There was a quality to Riku’s voice, almost too high and almost too interested, that raised some suspicions in Sora almost immediately. His eyes moved to land on his best friend, lips twisting into a curious grimace, and he took note of the obvious way in which Riku actively avoided his stare.

In that moment, as Sora’s chest heaved and flattened with emotion, he figured he’d never been more alone than in that moment.

\---

Xion only ever had one rule, one single law that she learned through being pushed and prodded and arranged for the consumption of others:

Never give everything, don’t ever give someone the power to break you.

“Xion!”

But, _god_ , did she want to.

Ultramarine eyes locked helplessly with [eye color] ones and the smile that was given to her caused Xion’s heart to flip-flop and body to feel weightless. There’s one beat, two, _three_ and [Your Name] closes the distance between them to crush her in a hug. 

There was something Xion remembered from long ago, back before shit was complicated and difficult ten times over, back when Axel was angrier and still thought people really couldn’t tell he was stupidly head over heels for Roxas.

“ _It’s easy for girls._ “ He said dryly, eyes always watching after Roxas with sadness and longing. “ _At least girls can hug or hold hands or **kiss** and it not be a big deal. What the fuck do guys do? We can’t “hug,” we can’t “hold hands.” You know what we get? We get to beat the shit out of each other and pretend that’s the same as intimacy._“ 

Xion started to realize how often Axel would start stupid fights with Roxas after that.

But, now, with [Your Name] holding her for just a second too long, with eyes that smoldered hot enough to burn her alive, Xion wondered: How much would it kill me to not even have _this_.

She’d probably start a lot of stupid fights too.

“I’ll talk to you guys tomorrow! Sorry to bail.” She makes a face as she says that, her eyes looking across the others before falling back onto Xion. “Let me know if you need anything.”

Xion grins in response, hand gripping [Your Name]‘s until she’d moved far enough away that she could no longer hold on. One more blistering stare and she turns around, walking away from them and Xion could swear that she felt every step she took.

“You have really unfortunate taste, you know that right?” Xion presses her lips into a thin line, her attention turning to her side where Axel had positioned himself. He seemed to stare after [Your Name] too, expression difficult for Xion to decipher. “Like, legendarily bad.”

“Like _you’re_ one to talk.”

As if on cue, “You both done standing there stupidly or are you ready to go?”

“Don’t worry, Roxas, couldn’t forget you if we tried.” Xion turns and makes sure to stare pointedly at him. “Believe me, we’ve _tried._ “

“Fuck off.” Roxas barks, shoulders lifting in that “cornered cat” way he always defaults to when he’s on the defensive. “Hurry up!”

“You remember your promise, right?” Xion lets her attention fall back on Axel, his arm wrapping around her shoulder as they follow after their friends. “Remember what I told you the day they left?”

She doesn’t respond, her gaze falling to the side as they walk.

“Drop it, Xion. I know you think it’ll be worth it, but it won’t.”

“Why aren’t you telling Roxas that?” Axel sucks in air, eyebrows noting at Xion’s words, before he looks down. “Still not talking, huh? How the fuck can you lecture _me_ when you can’t even deal with your _own_ love life?”

“There’s no fucking _love life_ there, Xion.” Axel’s words are biting, bitterness and anger barely restrained by his whispered voice. “And there’s no “love life” between you and [Your Name] either.”

“You don’t think I know that?” Xion mimics Axel’s bitterness back at him, her words coming just above the threshold of a murmur. “What the fuck is the matter with you?”

“What’s the _matter_ is you never learn your fucking lesson!” Xion moves to open her mouth but Axel cuts her off, “ **Let it go, Xion**.”

At this, Xion shoves Axel’s arm away from her, legs propelling her forward and into Roxas’ back. He glances back curiously, taking note of Xion’s face before wrapping am arm around her and bringing her close to him. She turns her face to Roxas’ shoulder, her eyes catching sight of him sending an irritated look towards Axel.

“It’s okay, he’s being a prick.” There’s an edge to Roxas’ voice, a bite. “Just ignore him.”

Xion mumbled a response to him, something between an agreement and a dismissal, and wrapped an arm around her best friend’s waist while he led her along.

“ _Promise me! **Promise me!**_ “

“ _Axel, I--_ “

“ _When I tell you forget it, drop it, fucking **let it go** , you’ll fucking listen! After **all of this** , after all I fucking warned you about! If you’d just fucking listened to me!_“

“ _How was I supposed to fucking know--_ “

 _“ **Promise me!**_ “

“ _... I... I promise._ “

\---

“Right on the dot, was something keeping you?” You freeze instantly, hand gripping the door handle, the door clicking shut quietly. “Should only take 20 minutes to walk here.”

“I... was walking slow.” Your voice sounds quiet, just teetering on the edge of fearful.

“Even when you knew we--”

“That’s enough, Terra. She’s here now.” Long arms wrap around you, body leaning in and squeezing in a way that was so familiar it was comforting. “I was worried you’d cancel on us again.”

 _I had no choice_. “I just have a project due tomorrow, it’s not something that important.” All at once, you’re turned around, hand locked against the skin of your neck turning you towards the large living room while the other arm wrapped around your waist.

For a moment, you see nothing but Aqua, oceanic eyes half-lidded and soft and expression an almost concerning calm. She says nothing, her eyes tracing the lines of your face for a moment before she leans in, lips brushing the corner of your own for a moment. 

From behind her you can see Terra, all muscle and glowering eyes and thin lips and gaze pointed straight at you from his position on the large couch across the room. His expression didn’t change as Aqua led you closer to him, your heart pounding with each step, but she did level a stare at him once you got close.

“Terra, that’s _enough_.”

As if her words had brought him from the brink, Terra’s whole body relaxes, and his eyes almost look _pleased_ as they land on your form, a hand reaching for you.

“I’m sorry, I just wanted to see you.” You smile at him, your eyebrows still creased and heart still heavy, before Aqua releases you to go to him. There’s a moment, a breath in length, where you entertain the thought of sprinting out the door, but the idea dies before it can fully form. Terra wastes no time in pulling you into him, arms tight against you and hands burning trails across the exposed skin of your arms and neck and face. You bury your face into his neck, eyes closed tight, and try to shove back the guilt and thoughts of your friends.

“Haven’t been away for this long in a while.” Aqua’s voice drags you back into the present, your face turning back from where Terra still had you anchored against him.

She looked ethereal, like the images of angels in the stained-glass windows of a church you can barely remember being in, with eyes that seemed to beg but you could never understand what for.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t think you’d both be gone when I got back. I wouldn’t have cancelled if I’d known.” All at once, your heart stopped breaking and your fear subsides, familiarity settling deep in you and turning all at once into comfort. This was how it was supposed to be--Terra was only upset because you’d been gone for so long, Aqua was only distant because she didn’t know how to handle being apart. “I missed you both.”

“We missed you.” Aqua says, voice tender and sure, kneeling beside where Terra had you pulled against him, lips finding yours for a brief and blistering kiss.

“More than words can say.” Terra says quietly, his words reverberating through your body, a ghost of a kiss against your forehead as he locks eyes with Aqua, a smile shared between them before she leaned up to press her lips to his.

A memory replays in the back of your head, of Ventus staring into his locker like he was lost, of the way he looked like he was splintering and shattering where he stood.

_Is this what is was like for him?_

You want to ask them about him, but the words die in your throat.

You’re afraid.


	5. Stacked

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE RATING HAS GONE UP. THERE ARE IMPLICATIONS OF SEXUAL ACTIVITY IN THIS CHAPTER AND THERE WILL BE SUCH ACTIVITY IN THE FUTURE. THE WARNINGS WILL UPDATE IN ACCORDANCE. I WILL WARN OF THIS IN THE FUTURE AS WELL.
> 
> Can you believe it? I'm actually updating after doing a round of updates within a reasonable time frame! Gone are the days where I update like 3-5 chapters of a story within 6 days then go MIA for 3 years!
> 
> At least... I _hope_ those days are gone.
> 
> This chapter isn't too long, only about ~6k words, but I have a feeling the next chapter will be... long and vaguely convoluted. I'm sorry for making so many characters have so many different perspectives and plots, it makes the story go a little slow but I think its fun!
> 
> **also if you're visually impaired, there is an image of a text message in here, but the same chapter[on the website I typically post Reader-Inserts on](https://www.lunaescence.com/fics/viewstory.php?sid=27693&textsize=0&chapter=5) doesn't have it, so you can read it over there instead if it's easier!**

“We need you to have a talk with someone.”

You pause mid redress, your head turning back as Aqua shifted on your bed in order to lie her head on your shoulder. Terra’s eyes seem fixed on the cell phone in his hand, his spare hand reflexively running up and down Aqua’s back as he lounged partially beneath the bed covers. You let out the breath you weren’t aware you were holding, hands reopening the shirt you’d pulled from your dresser a minute earlier.

“What kind of talk?”

“A warning.” Terra states dryly, a shift in body weight and creak of the mattress alerting you to movement from behind you, before he lowers his lips to your shoulder opposite Aqua and hands you his cell phone. You take it from him, eyes soaking in the image on his screen--a teenage boy of average appearance, you think you may recognize him from one of your classes.

“What if he tells other people I talked to him?”

“Make sure he’s too afraid to.” Aqua’s voice sounds almost like a lullaby, soft and even with a hint of calm and tenderness. You feel your stomach drop as you committed the picture on Terra’s phone to memory, mind running at a million miles a minute and fear running ever higher. “We know how good you are at doing what you have to.”

You have to consciously remind yourself to slow your breathing, your heart rate picking up as Terra knocked his phone from your hand to make room for his own. You close your eyes against the touch of lips and hands, something in the back of your mind screaming _GUILTY, GUILTY, GUILTY_ , while your body ebbed and flowed with the ministrations.

Before you can decide to either submit to or battle against them, your cell phone alarm blares out like a battle siren.

“I-I have to go to school.” You beg, body rigid but arms practically wheeling as the realization hits you. “I c-can’t be late.”

They don’t respond right away, thoughts and questions as to what you’ll do if they don’t intend to, but all at once the hands and lips and weight are removed from you and you shakily attempt to stand.

“Sure you can even make it there?” You shoot out a mock glare at Terra’s words, legs shifting as you try to regain feeling in them.

“Message us when you get to school, alright?” Aqua sounds almost forlorn, hands instinctively reaching for you before she seems to catch herself and lowers them.

“I will.” You manage to say, a smile playing carefully over your face. “I’ll let you know when I talk to the boy too, let The Boss know.”

Terra looks down, shoulders tensing and stressing and his face immediately distant, while Aqua gives you a strained smile. “Of course, sweetness. He asked this of you specifically.”

That was odd. “Did he? Why?”

Terra makes a face but before you can question it, Aqua’s voice is hitting your ears again. “Terra and I--”

“It doesn’t matter.” Terra’s voice was strong and final, and Aqua almost immediately levels a dark stare at him. “Make sure this doesn’t reflect badly, stay sharp in class and keep your grades up. We don’t need your case worker coming around here.” 

“I know.” You pause, heart sinking involuntarily as Aqua and Terra watched you curiously. “Will... you both not be here when I get back?”

As if you’d flipped a switch, the mood in the room changes and something pained crosses over both of their faces. 

“There’s... a lot going on back home.” Aqua starts, reaching for you again, crawling up onto her knees as one hand runs through your hair and another holds your neck. “We won’t... we won’t be back for a little while.”

_That’s why they had to come now._

“Where are you going?” Terra slips off of the bed as you speak, his full height almost taking you by surprise since you weren’t often confronted with him while standing.

“The Boss needs us for something, but we’ll still be in contact.” You try to rationalize the relief you feel with the excitement that rattles through you at not being held under lock and key for an indeterminate amount of time. 

“You’ll be... okay?”

Aqua interjects, arms pulling you closer to where she was kneeling on your bed. “We’ll be fine, it’s just... time consuming.”

“While we’re gone,” you tense at the quality in Terra’s voice as he began speaking, “I need you to promise me something.”

“... What?”

“I want you to keep your distance from Axel, it’d be best to not get involved with him or his friends.”

“ _His friends_ ,” the words almost tripped up in his mouth and you can see his face morph to a distant expression, Aqua’s following suit soon after. 

And then, before you can restrain the thought and crush it, words spill from your lips: “Like Ven and them?”

The mood in the room darkens substantially, both sets of eyes blazing through you as you fight against everything to maintain a façade of unassuming nonchalance. In the depths of Terra’s eyes he looks like he’s lost himself, too consumed by some kind of soul-crushing grief and regret to manage any kind of response. You can see Aqua from the corner of your eye in an even worse state, the side of her face pressed to your shoulder with eyes wide and lips on the razor’s edge of quivering.

And just like _that_ , you knew. 

You blink up at Terra, sending him an almost worried and curious glance. “Terra? What’s wrong?”

He shakes his head quickly, eyes darting around as if he’d just been woken up. “... Nothing, nothing’s wrong. You should head to school, let us know when you get there safely.” Lips find yours fervently, first from him and then from her, before you’re released to leave them behind in their pain.

Oh, _that_ was absolutely flawlessly executed. Was there an award for most compelling scene delivered while under pressure? Because you had _definitely_ earned it.

After you exit your temporary home, you’re practically sprinting towards the school, something close to elation and not unlike longing fueling you and spurring you faster and faster. You’re running so fast that you’re nearly tripping over yourself each time you turn or have to correct your direction, but you make absolutely no attempt to slow. Within minutes you’re within sight of the school, eyes scanning until they land on a familiar tuft of blonde hair and aloof stance.

“ **Roxas**!” You scream, not completely unlike laughter, watching excitedly as his whole body whips around just in time to witness you jump into him with all of the strength you had in your body.

“ ** _What the--_** “ Is all he manages before you crush your arms around him and you both fall head over feet to the cement below, a chorus of shocked responses meeting you. “[Your Name]?! What the _fu_ \--”

“I made it! I made it!” You bury your face in Roxas’ chest at these words, laughter spilling from behind your lips like the bursting of a dam that took too long to break. You can feel hands grabbing you gently, but you make no attempt to right yourself even as they lift you to a standing position. You’re falling against someone, but you can’t tell who, still laughing and burying your face in your hands and feeling wobbly on hard-worked legs.

“[Your Name]? What happened?” You recognize the voice reverberating against you, recognize it as _distinct_ , even from his twin, and you turn to lock eyes with Ventus.

“I’m sorry, Ven. I’m so fucking sorry.”

But, you weren’t laughing. You were crying.

\---

Ventus was fighting against every siren, every alarm bell, every warning sign blaring at him to ignore the dark purple marks [Your Name] had on her neck. Beneath the skin of her ear, perfectly at the pulse point where her neck meets her head, along the skin where her neck and shoulder join.

Familiar. All too familiar.

He’d been watching her since that morning, since she caught his eyes with a stare that sought to split him in two and sobbed out an apology. She grabbed his face a moment later, so close to him that he could feel the heat of her breath, but almost as quickly as the bizarre behavior happened, it was over. She was pulled back by Roxas, questions and concerns echoing around her, before she wiped her eyes, leveled her gaze on the ground, and apologized.

“ _I had... a tough morning. Sorry._ “

She, too, had been watching him since that morning, eyes on fire and gaze imploring him. Something strange sparked in Ventus every time their eyes met, like he was being awoken to all of the things he had worked so hard to push down. And every time she tried to approach him, grab him, take him away in moments of reprieve, they would be found before she could get very far. Every single bit of eye contact from her was like fire and, after the first few stares, he had to avoid even so much as a glance to simply get through the day. He could tell, in the few seconds he’d allow himself to look at her, that words and thoughts were burning in her chest and threatening to set everything around her ablaze.

_You don’t want to hear this, it will kill you. **It will fucking kill you.**_

Without trying, Ventus realized that somewhere between the bell sounding and his trip to his locker that he’d lost her. Despite his mind repeating the words “ ** _It will fucking kill you_**.” over and over and over again, he’s almost in a panic when he realizes she isn’t anywhere nearby. His heart is thumping in his chest as he heads in the direction he last saw her, towards the water fountains that no one used in the hallway at the back of the school that no one went down unless they were in an art elective. His legs propel him forward, unease fixing through his bloodstream to the point it almost froze him in place, until a loud thud stops him dead.

Ventus turns slowly towards the sound, to a door open no wider than a hairs breadth, his hand grabbing on and pushing so softly that it almost hurt.

[Your Name] was across the room from him, back turned to the door, with some boy Ventus didn’t know but felt as though he probably recognized.

“Why did you let it get this bad? It doesn’t have to get worse, it doesn’t have to go further than this, just give them what they want.” Her voice sounded radically different to Ventus’ ears, almost pained but mostly sharp, definitely angry, and more then slightly desperate.

“I... I can’t--”

“I don’t need to tell you what I’d need to do if you didn’t, right? Don’t make this harder, please.” Her voice was begging, but she domineered herself over the boy who was all but cowering in the corner of the room. “If I have to come to you again, I will not be asking. You know what you did, and you know what they want. Please don’t make me have to come back.”

Ventus senses the finality in her statement, practically slamming himself backwards onto the floor, eyes wide against the horrifying familiarity while his chest constricted to the point that he almost couldn’t breathe.

Skeletons of memories build up in his mind, bare remembrances that gain more and more clarity the longer he stayed sat in the hallway. Shadows and whispers of the people he knew, the ones he _missed_ , the ones who _abandoned him_ , replaying over the things he just saw with stunning identicality. Recollections of thoughts and choices and decisions that he could follow, that he couldn’t submit to, and the knowledge that he didn’t do enough to fight for them. 

Even if it meant he would’ve had to fight _them_.

“Ven.” Bright blue eyes lift to catch [eye color] ones, the burning look gone and replaced with something toxic and unreadable. From behind her, Ventus can see the boy from before exit the classroom, attempting to hide his face from Ventus as he quietly walked in the direction opposite them. “If I’d known this is what it took to finally get you to follow me, I would’ve done it sooner. Is this how they got you to come to them?”

_This is going to kill you._

“Don’t.” Ventus begins, standing shakily to his full height while his whole body betrayed him by shaking with emotion. “Don’t say shit like that.”

“Ven, you know what I’m going to tell you.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” _Lies, lies, lies._

“Ven, it wasn’t just--”

“No!” He’s screaming, or maybe it just sounds like screaming because the silence around them was so deafening. “ _No._ I don’t want to hear this!” 

“Ven--” Before she can continue, before she can say anything or mention _anyone_ , Ventus closes the gap and pushes his lips to hers.

The first few seconds felt like dying. Like they were just transferring to and mingling in each other’s pain, he could practically taste the unspoken words on her lips and he wondered if she could tell his secrets from his. Before long, it’s almost too much to bear, almost too painful, but then she brings a hand to the side of his face and the other to rest against his neck and it just feels so much like all the touches he’d pushed to the very back of his memory. So, he lets himself sink deeper, gives himself this moment to remember and drown in the feeling, and she lets him anchor against her enough to deepen the kiss.

It’s almost like being alive again, like maybe those memories weren’t real and _this_ was.

But, like all dreams, it ends abruptly.

“When were you let in?” She’s breathing onto his face, lips still brushing his, but his eyes refused to open.

“... two years ago.”

“Me too.”

 _It will kill you_.

“You stayed.” The words tore him up as they fell from his lips.

“No.” She responds, bitterness in her voice. “I didn’t have a choice in the matter.” His eyes open, something close to a sob trapped in his chest as he locked eyes with her. “Not everyone has somewhere else they can go.”

\---

“You gonna bail again today, or are you actually going to hang out with us?” You had been walking across the grass towards the far-off sidewalk near the street when you stopped squarely at the irritated voice that hit your ears. Your eyes crane back to catch black and white plaid flannel over a graphic tee, aloof stance, and arms crossed over his chest as Roxas eyed you indignantly. 

“I have to go to the store...” Hard glare, you make no attempts to hide the grin that slithers onto your face in response. “You’re free to come with me if you want.”

Something about his glare seemed even more heated, like he was waiting for something.

You cock an eyebrow. “Roxas? You hear me?”

Just like that, he breathes out a breath just subtly enough for you to catch the strain in his neck that came from holding it. “I’ll... tell the others we can meet up with them afterwards.” 

_He was waiting for you to say his name_.

You suppose you don’t blame him, what with his intense dislike for not being treated as an individual and with how strange you’d been acting that day. What with how you’d been following around Ventus and obstinately ignoring everything and everyone else. There’s no way he wasn’t aware of the strange air between the two of you though he, thankfully, wouldn’t know about the _moment_ between the you earlier. Not that you’d be able to explain it, not that Ventus probably would either, but it certainly would’ve been one for the teenage rumor mill if the only other witness hadn’t been someone you’d threatened moments before.

“Let’s go, I don’t think Ven can handle the fucking lot of them alone for too long.”

“Just the two of us, huh?” You say teasingly. “This’ll be a first.”

And, just like that, silence settles between the two of you.

 _This is the first time you both have ever been alone together_.

Roxas falls into step beside you, hands shoved in his pockets and indignant scowl disappearing beneath pursed lips. You look away at this, hands moving to smooth out the invisible lines of your patterned shirt and push at your hair while you walked along. Was it weird to bring that up? Did you make the moment weird with that comment? Because, shit, it certainly _felt_ weird now.

“Well, everyone lost their minds at you being the “new girl” so, like, we never had an opportunity, I guess.”

Not true, not really. You’ve found yourself in quiet moments with nearly all of the others, at one point or another, but any time you or Roxas had met each other’s gaze it was like the world willed you in other directions. It was weird, really, because there were lots of things you wanted to ask him in private. Things like why he stared at you like he was annoyed by and revered you, why he pretended to hate the way his friends would laugh and be loud, or why he always looked like he was ready to fight to the death over every single thing.

“I guess.” You mimic, eyes moving to catch his a moment later. “Guess you wouldn’t be one to “lose it” at the new girl, huh?”

His pursed lips press tighter before he spoke. “No, I wouldn’t.”

That was an interesting retort.

“Well, it’s only been a week, right? I have time to make you lose it, probably.”

What kind of response was _that_? To your credit, you keep your expression as even as possible even as Roxas looks at you incredulously. Your mind runs at a million miles a minute, wondering what part of your brain thought that was an appropriate thing to say in this situation _especially_ after you’d _just kissed his brother like two hours ago_.

“Uhh, whatever the fuck that means.” Roxas says after a minute, eyes rolling as he takes his hands out of his pockets to look down at his phone. You watch as Roxas opens his mouth only to squash the words he had been planning on saying, his eyes transfixed on his cell phone with his lips still parted. An expression crosses his face, briefer than brief, some kind of mixture between confused and devastated and your heart picks up instantly.

“Roxas? Are you alright?” You lift a hand carefully to his elbow, watching as life returns to his eyes before he turns back to you.

“What? Yeah, I’m fine, just...” He trails off, gaze landing back on his phone and his previously quick walking pace slowing to a crawl. You inadvertently let your yourself glimpse at Roxas’ phone screen, looking down the messages to see a simple sentence.

**Maybe the question you should be fucking asking is what you want from ME.**

You look away quickly, heat rising to your cheeks at your nosiness. “Fighting with Axel?”

Of course, its Axel. From the very limited time you’ve had to observe them, you could read and feel the push and pull relationship between Roxas and Axel. Best friends, that’s what Roxas said. Axel’s eyes sure didn’t _read_ purely “friendship”, but you can tell that behind that was such intense fondness that you didn’t think it made much of a difference to him.

Then again, you don’t really have any experience in what “normal” friendships are like. Any friendship you’ve ever had you were dragged in to and pulled into whatever position fit them at the time.

What was normal friendship like, now that you think about it?

What’s light touches between friends? Hands over hands over arms over thighs and under shirts and shorts and that’s what _friends_ do, right? Intimacy is affection is friendship. Everyone just wants someone to give a shit, someone to listen and touch and care, and if that requires you underneath or on top of them then it’s all for the sake of connections. _What will make you stay? Please don’t leave me alone._

Maybe... you have no idea what friendship really is.

“He doesn’t make any sense.” Roxas’ voice tears you from your spiraling thoughts as he halts himself to a complete stop, you watch as his face twists painfully and his teeth gnash with every word. “He likes me, lets me act like a fucking idiot because how the _fuck_ was I supposed to tell the difference between joking and the real thing? I ask him, “What do you want from me?” because, well, what _does_ he want? What could he _possibly_ want from me?!”

You can see something beneath Roxas’ furious and pained expression--confusion. Conflict. __

“Roxas... You _know_ what people want when they like someone.” You say carefully, careful to even the quake in your voice. “What’s your real question?”

Bright blue eyes snap up to lock with yours, a snarl on his lips. “What the fuck does _that_ mean?”

“You _know_ what people want when they like someone! They want to kiss them and shit, look into their eyes and wax poetic about stars and the sun and finally understanding exactly what the characters in books and in movies are always talking about.” You let out the rest of the breath you didn’t know you were holding. “What are you asking, Roxas?”

Eyes implore you to continue, implore you to help him _understand_. 

“Because, to me, it seems like, what you’re _actually_ wanting to know... is how Axel can be okay with your friendship and not expect anything else.” Roxas’ eyes dart towards the street at your words. “Maybe you’re wondering...” Uh oh, you’re getting too close to personal, too close to projection, too close to your own heart. “If his friendship was a ruse, or if he sticks around just because he’s holding out for you to give in to him, or if he thinks he can take what he wants from you regardless, but... I think you know as well as I do that that just _isn’t_ Axel.”

“No.” He sounds off immediately, almost desperately. “That’s _not_ Axel.”

“So... what’s the question, Roxas?”

Silence. Roxas stares at you for a few moments, bright blue eyes sparkling in the high sunlight that shone, before pursed lips and furious texting break the tension. There’s a moment where he stares at the screen, not a single movement and an obvious breath being held in his chest, before his phone vibrates obviously in his hand and a ghost of a smile passes over his lips.

“I’ve been a brat.” He says finally, phone slipping back into his pocket where his hands remain, his eyes casting upward as he walks forward. “Sorry you had to see that.”

“Hey, it’s high school, right? Relationships and friendships kind of blend into the same thing sometimes.”

As you both continue down the sidewalk you walk close to each other, elbows bumping elbows.

Neither of you attempt to move away.

\---

\---

“I’m glad you’re coming to me now rather than a month before the end of semester.” Your history teacher says to you, his frantic shuffling through papers the only thing keeping you mentally present.

“I just want to be able to stay on top of my grades.” You press your lips together, eyes glancing down at the official letterhead that glinted back at you.

**I have received reports that you may be in violation of your parole as per the rulings of your court hearing last June. If you cannot maintain a 2.5 GPA as of the second quarter, you will be subject to another hearing to draft revised previsions to your parole.**

It’d been a month since the confrontation with Ventus, since Aqua and Terra left you, and there had been an almost unspoken rule between your group of friends that no one was going to even remotely bring up what happened that day. That sat well with you, as you’d rather not have to deal with answering those questions, and it seemed like it wasn’t something anyone else wanted to confront. 

You and Ventus hadn’t told anyone of what happened between you, hadn’t even brought it up again between the both of you when alone, but you can see something different in his eyes when he looks at you now. Unhinged wasn’t the right word--or maybe it just wasn’t a _kind_ word?--but it was certainly different than before. You wanted to ask him about them, to know what happened and just why he had permeated every quiet moment they seemed to have, but there never seemed to be a time where you could breach that sort of topic without everyone else knowing about it.

“Look, you aren’t in as bad a shape as you think, so I’ll make you a deal.” You snap your attention back to him at these words. “I’m the coach for the varsity soccer team, if you’ll come to our games and keep our scoring records during the game, I’ll give you 20 points per game.” Twenty whole points? That would counteract two different homework assignments per game. 

You didn’t waste any time responding. “I will absolutely do that.”

“Great.” He responds, running a hand through his hair with a sigh. “Well, it looks like that solves problems for the both of us. Gives me the free time to focus on the game, thanks [Your Name].”

Wasn’t it... _you_ who went to _him_?

You turn sharply at the classroom door openly, your eyes locking with familiar bright blue ones and a smile involuntarily weaves over your face. 

“Sora.”

“Oh, Sora, I’m glad you’re here.” Your history teacher starts, hand gesturing out towards you. “We have an interim score keeper, considering you both are already friends I suppose that means you can explain to her how scoring works.”

Bright blue eyes widen in surprise, your heart swells at the way his face very slowly but surely lifted to excitement.

“Really? You’re going to be our score keeper?” Sora all but bounces over to you, hands clenched in front of him as if he were trying to stop himself from launching into you with a hug.

“She is. This had better not effect your performance.” Your teacher levels a mock glare at Sora, his surprisingly young-looking face breaking out with a grin at Sora’s sheepish smile.

“Of course not! What do you take me for?” He spoke indignantly, his chest swelling with pride and his lips pouting cutely. You resist the urge to cup his cheek, but just barely.

“We have a game today, if you wanted to get a taste of what it’s like.” You snap your head over to your teacher, eyebrows creased.

“Ahh, your sudden proposal makes more sense now.” He’d been _waiting_ for someone to push the job off on to.

“If I were you, I wouldn’t bite the hand that feeds extra credit points.”

“Yessir.” You say, mock salute causing him to roll his eyes before Sora turns back to you.

“Oh! Hey, are you coming out to lunch?” Sora says shortly, looking off in the distance with eyes narrowed in contemplation. “I think that’s why I came to find you.”

“... Sure, dude.” As you and Sora begin to walk towards the door you hear a throat clear.

“That’s most certainly _not_ why you came in here, Sora.”

He looks back at those words, eyes narrowing in confusion. “It... isn’t?”

“I’m sincerely hoping you’re here to find out the bus number for the bus you’re supposed to be on.” Silence. “The bus you’re supposed to get on right after lunch.”

“Oh.” You bring a hand to your forehead, curt laugh escaping your lips at Sora’s deadpanned expression. “Yes, I definitely came to look for you to get that information, coach.”

“What am I going to do with you?” The man shakes his head, a sigh soon following the gesture. “You’re going to be on the 118 bus, [Your Name] can go on that one too.”

“Sounds good! See ya, coach!” With that, Sora grabs your forearm and yanks you out the door without even a warning or word. You make a noise of surprise, righting yourself as Sora continues to keep himself just two steps ahead of you no matter how much you start to pick up the pace. Once he pushes the school’s double doors open, he practically sprints over to where your friends are by a lunch table. You vaguely recognize a few boys from some of your classes yelling at Sora, dribbling the soccer ball back and forth before he jumps into the fray and they start to kick and pass around each other.

“Wow, could’ve just told me he needed to get back to a game.” You say under your breath as you saunter up to the circular lunch table and set yourself in between the twins, eyes kept on Sora as he expertly dashed and pass the ball between his increasingly frustrated friends. 

“Took you long enough.” Roxas finally says in between bites chips, his eyes moving towards his brother as he holds the bag out to him.

“Sora’s the faster runner, so we sent him to find you.”

You roll your eyes at Ventus’ words. “You really just push everything off onto him, don’t you?”

“Yup.” They both respond, a small power struggle starting before you as they begin grabbing the bag out of each other’s hands. You decide to ignore the boys, knowing that mediating between them in more or less useless, too glance around to see where everyone was. Xion, Kairi, Axel, and Vanitas were lounged over on the grass near where the other boys played ball, you can’t hear what they’re saying but Vanitas’s sneer coupled with Xion’s grin suggests that they’re picking on him. You’d normally intervene but, honestly, Vanitas sort of brings it on himself most of the time. You let your gaze settle a little off from the group to see Namine and a girl you think you recognize (Olette? Yeah, that sounds right.) leaning against a narrow tree trunk, bodies close, and words clearly hushed. You grin to yourself slightly, watching Namine’s eyes crinkle and soften as she spoke with the other girl.

Movement takes your attention away from the curled-up girls, playful shoving and yelling as the group of boys started to take their light-hearted game more seriously. From within the group, you can see Riku in the fray, cutting in front of Sora to take the ball and pass it to someone else. Blue eyes narrow at crystalline ones, Riku reaching up to smack the top of Sora’s head as he yelps and they both turn back to the game. Riku stares just a few seconds too long, hand lingers in Sora’s hair in a way that most _decidedly_ wasn’t good-natured best friend touching, and he nearly gets knocked over by the barrage of boys barreling towards them while passing back and forth faster than your eyes could follow.

You let a mock grimace pass over your face. “I can’t believe no one was able to tell how head over heels Riku has been for Sora all this time.” You glance over to Roxas. “This explains how you couldn’t tell Axel liked you.”

Roxas bristles at your comment. “Alright, first of all, fuck off. Second, I don’t really pay attention to who’s lusting after my brothers, okay?” Ventus nods at Roxas’ comment, eyebrows creasing and lips pursing identically to his brother.

“Of course you don’t, otherwise you’d probably, like, _burst_ just looking around.” You reach forward and grab a handful of chips from the boy’s bag, chomping down soon after.

Uneasy silence settles between the three of you, both brothers comically slowly turning their heads towards you.

“Uhh... What?”

“What does _that_ mean?”

You look up from your chewing, brows furrowing incredulously. “Uhh, it means Sora is lusted after _a lot_.” Confused faces morph into horrified ones and you’re absolutely astonished. “You’re fucking kidding me. You really--Look,” you lean forward onto your arms and make sure to trade eye contact between them to drive your point home, “I don’t know how you’ve fucking missed it, but your brother is a jock. He is fucking _stacked_ , okay? He’s sweet, he’s considerate, he could make a person he just met feel like they were the most important person in the world, he’s got a face that could kill you with innocence... did I mention he’s fucking stacked? Look, like it or not, your brother is _hot_ and there is not a soul at this school that isn’t aware of that. Hell, if he _asked_ me I’d let him do whatever he wanted to me.”

Screams resound from both brothers, hands covering eyes and mouths. 

“ **Disgusting**! Oh my god! Don’t say that kind of stuff about my brother!”

“Fucking **gross** , don’t say that shit! That’s my _brother_!”

You burst into laughter, arms wrapping around your stomach as you did so. “You _asked_!”

“I’m absolutely fucking _certain_ I did _not_ ask about that!” Roxas says with clear disgust, eyes looking anywhere except your direction and Ventus covering his mouth like he was going to gag. “You don’t just say that shit! You have no idea what you’re talking about!”

“Well, sounds like a party over here.” You wipe the tears of laughter from your eyes to see Axel sauntering over to your table, lithe body sliding in beside his best friend. 

“Axel, **Axel** , these fucking nerds don’t realize Sora is, like, openly desired by nearly everyone at this fucking school.”

He raises an eyebrow at your words, looking between the boys incredulously. “What? You guys didn’t fucking know? _How_?”

“Exactly!” You say before Ventus or Roxas could recover from Axel’s statement to respond. “Axel, they think I’m crazy. Sora’s hot, right?”

Before Axel could even open his mouth, Roxas snaps his head to the side, body rising from the bench to lean onto one of his knees in order to leverage himself taller than Axel. “Axel, _Axel_ , you better look--Look me in the fucking eyes right now. If you say my brother’s hot I will never fucking speak to--Are you listening? I will fucking _murder you_ , do you hear me?!”

Axel says nothing, lips pursed, but green eyes flicked to the side to catch your own, confirmation locked inside.

Roxas swiftly punches Axel’s arm, a scream in his throat. “Don’t say it with your fucking eyes either!” You dissolve into laughter once more as Axel puts his hands up in defense while Roxas attempts to actually punch him in the face. Between Axel’s begging laughter and Roxas’ furious threats, you can’t catch your breath and you’re fully facedown on the table trying to keep yourself conscious from lack of air.

“What’s so funny, guys?” The screams and threats stop as Sora jogs up to the table, sweat glistening on his skin, before he lifts his shirt up to wipe his face.

An expanse of skin is immediately available to your eyes, toned muscles glinting at you and you may _also_ be noticing the way his shorts happened to hang rather low on his hips. Were you holding your breath? Was that stereotypical? You’ve seen fit guys before, so this shouldn’t be _so_ fucking stereotypical, but you suspect that all the talking up of Sora you’d done earlier had gone a bit to your head. You think you’d tried to utter a response, but the sounds die in your throat right before Roxas grabs the chips bag to throw at Sora. He yelps as the crumpled bag hits him in the face, shirt falling back down as he glances at his brother with an irritated expression.

“Have some fucking decency! People are staring!”

Sora’s arms shoot out, gesturing. “Wha-- _Who’s_ staring?! I’m not doing anything!”

Heat rises to your face almost immediately, shame spreading throughout your body as you pull your arms off the table to grip at the bench as you looked down. Your eyes reflexively dart to the side to see Axel’s lips pursed so tightly that they weren’t even visible, guilt swimming in his eyes as he looked off to the side.

At least it wasn’t just you.

Sora attempts to lift his shirt back up to his still sweat sheened face when Ventus slaps his hand. “What did Roxas just say?!” He proceeds to grab a handful of napkins to shove at his brother. “Bring a towel with you next time!”

“What is your guy’s _problem_?!” Sora exclaims, pout accentuating the soft lines of his face as wiped at his face. From behind him, you see Riku jog up and look between your small group with a lifted brow.

“Why does everyone look so fucking weird?”

“ _Some_ people,” Roxas’ fiery eyes toss dramatically in your direction, “need to a lesson in how fucking _rude_ it is to stare!”

Sora blinks owlishly, eyes locking with yours soon after. “You were staring at me? Is something on me?”

Humiliation fills your chest. “ _N-No_! And I _wasn’t_ staring, Roxas is being an asshole!”

“Oh, you _weren’t_ , huh?” You cast a glare over to Ventus, whose expression was very obviously angry. “Could’ve fooled me.”

You can absolutely oppressively _feel_ Riku’s eyes on you which only causes your flustered speech and flushed face to flare up even more. You do not chance so much as a _glance_ at him, heart dropping into your stomach at the thought that he could view this as you inching in on Sora’s affection. Not that his affection wasn’t _great_ and not that you’d exactly _dislike_ it but-- **you’re getting off track**!

“ _Axel was staring too_!” To accentuate your statement, you point dramatically at the boy who’s mouth literally dropped open at your words.

“What the fu-- _Don’t throw me under the fucking bus with you!_ “

“ _Axel, I fucking told you_ \--” Suddenly, Roxas practically leaps onto Axel’s shoulders to put him in a headlock and you found that you felt maybe a _little_ guilty for doing that to him.

“W-Why...” Sora seems to glance between you and Axel in innocent confusion. “Why were you staring at me?”

Your heart aches at his hurt expression. “Oh, sweetness, it’s nothing bad, I’m so sorry, I’m--” You bury your face in your hands soon after, frustrated groan sounding soon after.

Well, you really went and _fucked_ that whole situation right up, didn’t you?!

Before you could humiliate yourself even more, the bell signaling the end of lunch resounds.

“Oh!” Sora panics as he looks around, hands grabbing at a jacket and backpack hurriedly. “We gotta make the bus for the game!”

“We?” Riku says curiously, and you can physically feel all of the color and heat drain from your body at his words.

“Oh, yeah! Coach made [Your Name] score keeper for the soccer team! She’s kind of an unofficial member of the team now, so coach told me I’m in charge of her for the time being.”

The silence that settled over the group was absolutely _deafening_. You can feel your heartbeat pick up as everyone very, _very_ slowly turned to stare at you with varying levels of **heavy disapproval**.

“I needed extra credit in history! And _that_ conversation proceeded,” you gesture wildly around the group to enunciate your point, “ _all this shit_.”

“What... are you guys talking about?” Sora’s confused expression makes your heart sting, but the almost deadly stare you’re getting from Riku runs your blood cold.

 **You have absolutely and positively fucked this all up worse than anything you’ve ever fucked up**. And that’s saying _a lot_.


	6. Maybe This Is Who We Are

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So! This chapter does not have the Reader in it _at all_. This takes place while the Reader and Sora are at his soccer game. A lot of stuff is learned in this chapter and I'm so excited for you guys to finally see it coming through! Please let me know what you think!!

Riku was bad at hiding when he was pissed off.

Hell, even saying _bad_ was too nice a way to put it: He was fucking _terrible_ at it. For all the flack he gets about being “stoic” and “pensive” you’d think he’d actually be able to, you know, _look_ stoic when he wanted to.

But he couldn’t. He could physically feel the way his eyebrows knotted and the almost painful downturn of his lips, and he knew that any person that so much as looked in his direction would be _immediately_ aware of his mood. Slumped in the corner of the elaborate L-shaped couch in his best friend’s house while the rest of his friends stood around in the kitchen, it would be nothing short of _ignorance_ to not know that he was sulking dramatically.

He shouldn’t be, absolutely doesn’t have a _right_ to be. Sora isn’t _his_. His best friend, his most cherished person, his entire reason for even interacting with people half of the time—yes. Someone he’s almost belligerently in love with—yes. But, _his_? No. Not his.

So, really, [Your Name] spending extra time with Sora, alone, when it was painfully obvious that Sora’s interest wasn’t _purely_ friendship and that hers wasn’t _merely_ friendliness _shouldn’t_ be any of his business. Shouldn’t mean anything, should be something Riku’s used to—watching as Sora’s eyes and heart reached out for anyone that wasn’t him.

But this time is _different_.

Because now Riku fully and completely admitted to himself that he’s in love with Sora.

Before, he’d suffer in silence, thinking the shattering of his heart and the ache in his chest was simply being worried Sora would forget about him. Worried that Sora would leave him behind. Which was absolutely ridiculous because it was _Sora_ he was talking about— _Sora_ , who hadn’t ever forgotten even a single person in his entire life. Sora, who had knowledge of the last time he’d spoken to _anyone_ mapped out in his mind, so he could be sure to catch up with them before he’d start to miss them. **Sora** , who had never spent so much as an entire 24-hours without texting or calling Riku to see how he was doing or what he was thinking or how he was feeling.

No, even back then he couldn’t convince himself that that was the reason. Actually, now that Riku thought about it, he wasn’t sure _what_ he had convinced himself it was.

Maybe he pushed it all away and repressed it like he did most everything else.

But, now? Now that he knows _exactly_ what the pain means? He’s _furious_. And he has no fucking right to be.

With Kairi, Sora had known her nearly his whole life and practically structured his every breath around her, so if Sora had gone to her after Riku left he would’ve _understood_. But, [Your Name]? [Your Name] was _new_ in a place where they’d known everyone their whole lives, and Riku had never even _considered_ that Sora could have actual interests outside of him and Kairi.

Yes, _him_ and Kairi. There’s a part of Sora that has some level of feelings for him, somewhere in the gentle lingering of his fingers on Riku’s arms, a closeness not reserved for boys to regard each other. It’s that something lurking deep in his eyes when no one else was around and Riku experimented with grazing the back of his hand to Sora’s cheek or pushing against his side when they sat together Sora looked at Riku with the kind of curiosity that was blooming ever so slowly into permission. Soft and unsure, or maybe he just wanted Riku to see him that way. 

He’d known Sora for years, known the silent aggression he was capable of, the moments when they’d fight over what game to play or what movie to see or because Riku just needed to feel Sora underneath him but couldn’t think of any other way that wouldn’t be _weird_ or _gross_ or _gay_. Where Sora would throw him down and pin him and have this _look_ on his face that would make Riku relent for fear he’d make a move or a breath that he wasn’t allowed. How often would they fight when they were alone? More often than they sat in each other’s presences, that’s for sure. 

But, now? It seems like that’s all he’ll ever have.

“Are you really still sulking, Riku? Honestly?”

Crystalline eyes dart up to land on oceanic ones, auburn hair bouncing as Kairi sits down by Riku, legs slipping over his as he lifted his arms over her knees to let his head drop onto them.

“I don’t sulk _nearly_ enough.”

“You _really_ need to stop losing your mind about the Sora and [Your Name] thing, you’re making it more than it has to be.” Riku grunts in response, arms tightening around Kairi’s knees as she sighs. “Sora’s a wayward heart, he connects with _everyone_ around him. I don’t think you’re aware but there’re very few people that Sora _hasn’t_ crushed on, it’s just how he _is_.”

Riku doesn’t respond, he grunts again, heart pitter-pattering pathetically at her words.

“It’s different.”

“It’s _not_ , Riku. It’s not that deep, I pro—Riku, look at me.” At her soft words, his eyes lift to level onto Kairi’s affectionate expression, a hand going under Riku’s chin tenderly. “I’m going to tell you a secret, something Sora didn’t… _explicitly_ make me promise not to tell, but it was _implied_ so I’m _kind of_ breaking a pseudo-promise but…” She trails off, her eyes darting around and head turning back apprehensively before she turns back to him, head leaning in. “He’s made out with at least one of the other members of the soccer team.”

His head spins, heart picking up and stomach churning painfully. “ _What?_ ”

“Think about this from his perspective, Riku.” Kairi’s hands cup his face, voice soft like a song, and it anchors him. “He wasn’t aware of the shit going on with his brothers, his only exposure to people coming out was the backlash Axel got and the torture Xion went through trying to stay closeted. What was he going to do? Risk you rejecting him?”

Something like poison burns into his veins and it felt more and more like he should throw up.

“He didn’t know you were in love with him—none of us did! No, he risked telling me, then immediately went out to meet up with some girl who asked him out at a game. But, you know him, Sora isn’t the type to use someone even if it’s clear they don’t mind.”

“I—” Riku is still reeling, millions of thoughts berating him and screaming at him saying, _Why didn’t you just take the chance?! If you’d **just taken the chance**._ “I… I sort of… always had been aware that Sora had, like, idolizing crushes, on me or Tidus or whoever, but I didn’t think it… I didn’t think it _meant_ anything.”

Kairi smiles pensively, eyebrows furrowed. “Oh, Sora isn’t as innocent as we all make him out to be. Hell, he even has secrets neither you or I know.”

The spinning thoughts stop almost immediately. “What… What do you mean by that?”

“Okay… this—this is an _actual_ broken promise but all the shit with [Your Name] and Ven just… got me thinking, yeah?” Kairi moves back against the back of the couch, legs squirming under Riku’s arms. “You know how… some weekends, Sora and I meet up to spend the day together?”

Riku breathes out. One beat, two. “Yeah?”

“A majority of the time, we don’t meet up. He just asks me to go out for the day somewhere and say he’s with me.”

“Where—”

“Hey, if you’re done whispering cryptically,” Vanitas starts, apathetic expression morphing into annoyance the longer he looked down at the two., “Axel asked us to meet him at his work, guess he’s picking up his check and wants to talk to us about something.”

Even as Kairi turned to Riku with a smile, even as she moved to stand and helped him come to his full height, even as she avoided any kind of eye contact Riku tried to seek out—

All he could do was wonder if he’d ever actually known Sora at all.

\---

Open mouth, deep breathing, and dark eyes that played scenes of longing and desire even after he had screamed and yelled and caused a scene absolutely plagued Roxas’ mind like a train wreck that you can’t look away from.

Roxas was irritated. Granted, Roxas was _usually_ irritated, but this kind of irritation was leaps and bounds and fucking _miles_ past what’s typical. No matter how many times he pretended to search through his room for the jacket he said he was going to grab, no matter how many clothes or books or shoes he tossed around, the vision would _not_ leave his mind. It _pissed him off_ , it annoyed him to no fucking end how unabashedly [Your Name] had been talking about Sora— **his little brother** —and how she’d _stared at him_ with the kind of heady look that some girl in a high school romcom would have once introduced to the love interest that she may or may not end up with, depending on whether or not the audience’s expectations are being subverted.

 _Regardless_ , it was _infuriating_. Especially because he couldn’t _stop_ being infuriated by it.

Jealousy. That much was fucking obvious. Roxas may be thick, may be a real dunce most of the time, but he wasn’t an idiot, and pretending his whining could be anything else wasn’t worth a damn.

However, if Roxas thought he was pissed off, then he didn’t know _what_ to consider Ventus.

The literal moment Sora and [Your Name] walked away, Ventus was practically seething. The rest of their school day saw Ventus not even paying attention to his classes, every interaction was a snap of the jaws and a growl in his throat. He was _angry_ compared to Roxas’ mostly internalized irritation, because Ventus has practically snapped at every mention of Sora and spared barely anyone a glance.

This worried Roxas. Ever since that day [Your Name] came to school, watching Ventus and following Ventus and straying just out of reach, things had been _different_. They make eyes from across the room, unspoken words passing between them before they went on as if nothing happened. Sometimes, Roxas would see them, standing close and moving away from the others and somewhere _alone_ , and he would push and burst in behind them. Every single time. Watched, almost obsessively.

Was it irrational? Probably, but every time he’d do it, they both looked so shocked and jarred that he just physically couldn’t let them have a single moment alone.

“You almost done?” Roxas is pulled from his thoughts by his twin’s voice, eyes craning back to lock with matching ones. “We should leave soon.”

“Yeah, just a second.” Roxas says quickly, eyes scanning his floor as a text message tone hits his ears. He reaches instinctively into his pocket, eyes passing over the screen to see Sora’s name pop up with a picture message. There’s a moment where Roxas debates opening it, thinks _Perhaps I should get my jacket and fucking leave it alone._

But he does it anyway.

He unlocks his phone, opening the message app, and sees a picture of [Your Name] leaning back onto Sora’s chest, hand lifted to cover half of her smiling face as he held up his phone to get them both in frame.

**look at that face!!!! how can you guys stay mad at her??? whatever your guys problem is you better get over it :(**

Clenched teeth flash at the screen, Roxas has a brief moment of white-hot rage that all but dissipates when he hears Ventus say, “That fucking _brat_.”

Roxas turns his body back to his twin, seeing him stare down at his phone screen like he was torn between crushing it and throwing it as hard as possible at something, namely one of Roxas’ walls. His shoulders are tense, his entire body is, and Roxas lets out a frustrated breath.

“Ven, fucking knock it off.”

Identical eyes meet Roxas’, the sneer on his twin’s face twisting to bared teeth. “What?”

“What is going _on_ with you? Ever since that shit with [Your Name] at lunch you’ve been out for blood, fucking knock it off.” Something dark passes over Ventus’ eyes and Roxas narrows his own. “What the _fuck_ is your problem?”

“What’s _your_ fucking problem, Roxas?! I just didn’t like that she was… _ogling_ our brother, it seems pretty reasonable to me.”

Ventus’ voice is strained, every single word so careful and planned, and Roxas can’t fucking _understand_. “I mean, not like _this_. And, like, do you hear yourself? You’re mad at _Sora_ , he didn’t even do anything!”

The dark look is back. Ventus braces one arm against Roxas’ doorframe, eyes cast on the floor as he tilts his head down with a shake. “Roxas, just fucking drop it.”

“Ven, usually this fight is the other way around. What has been going _on_ with you lately?!”

“ **Drop it, Roxas**.”

“No, I’m not going to fucking ‘drop it.’” Roxas closes the gap between him and his brother, Ventus’ face still kept to the floor while his body grew more and more rigid with every step. “I don’t know what the _fuck_ happened between you and [Your Name] but you’re acting fucking crazy, you’re acting—You’re acting like you did when fucking Terr—”

“ ** _Fuck off, Roxas!_** ” Ventus grabs at the collar of Roxas’ plaid flannel and shoves him hard to the side against the wall, pinning Roxas with his arm across his neck. “ ** _Don’t fucking talk about shit you don’t know a fucking thing about!_** ”

“Hey, **hey**!” All at once, Ventus’ body gets slammed away from Roxas, the furious face of Vanitas coming into view as he stands between his brothers. “Cut this shit **out**.” His head snaps to Ventus, a growl on his lips as he does so. “Don’t start doing this shit _again_ , Ventus. Don’t fucking do this shit again!”

“Both of you _fuck off_.” A whirlwind of blonde hair and rough arms push and rush out of Roxas’ room, silence being all that the two brothers were left with.

“This is _her_ fucking fault, you know?” Incensed eyes catch Roxas’, Vanitas’ expression so dark that it blackens the room to match. “It’s her fault. Things are going back to how they fucking used to be.”

“She couldn’t change something that wasn’t already under the fucking surface, Vanitas.” Roxas pushes off of the wall, shoving his hands in his pockets as he stomps out of his room. “Maybe this is just who we all really are in the fucking end.”

\---

The mood is oppressive.

Of that much, Xion is certain. Roxas walks beside her, silent against the fading sun’s twilight rays framing his face, not so much as attempting to communicate with the few voices actually trying to lighten the trek towards Axel’s work. He hovered next to her, ambling close enough that when her hand bumped into his he’d grab it like a lifeline. She’d return the gesture frantically, squeezing his hand with every ounce of strength and reassurance she had in her body, before he’d inevitably pull away. Every time she peered at his face he was staring straight down, grimace strong and eyes so fucking sad it could kill her.

She knew, could hear the fight even from the downstairs living room. Watched as Vanitas flew upstairs and intervened, could see the fury on Ventus’ face as he pushed his way to the front door without so much as a glance at anyone else. Could see the heartbreak and pain on Roxas even as she walked up, and he tried to hide it. Could see the frustration on Vanitas as he pushed past his brother, eyes forward and fists clenched.

Xion thinks back as she walks with her friends, thinks back to a time so far off but not-so-very-long ago, when the tension was just like this and the strain just as familiar. When she tended to hang out a little more with Ventus than she did Roxas. 

He had friends she wanted, one in particular—so cool and tall and strong and sure, eyes like the bottom of a river she could drown in and a smile that could render her speechless. Xion was young back then, didn’t understand what it meant, the desire for touches and hugs and closeness. _Girls like to be close, s_ he’d rationalize. _It’s normal for girls to want to be this close_.

Closer and closer and, before long, all she wanted was to be dragged against her and beneath her and anywhere so long as it was with her.

Ventus? Oh, Ventus. It seemed worse for him, at least from what Xion could tell. He was always scolded and coddled, strong arms pushing and shoving at him, playing and toying with him. She soon realized, after her conversations with Axel, that this was a ploy. Men use violence and pretend it’s the same as intimacy. 

And, boy, was it ever violence. 

He’d shove Ventus too hard, hold him down too long, push him against doors and walls and beneath him. For a while Xion wondered: _Why put up with it?_ But, she could see Ventus’ eyes. Could see the same longing to be dragged down.

But they were just out of reach. Xion and Ventus couldn’t reach them where they’d go.

Except [Your Name] had.

Axel was right, Xion had the worst fucking taste. And, if she was deciphering the heat and longing in Ventus’ eyes when he looked at her correctly, it would seem their tastes were identically horrible.

Roxas’ hand grabbed at hers again, trying to find an anchor, and she reached out. He held on to Xion like he was scared of floating away, like he was craning against everything to keep buoyed to her, and she squeezed his hand again. 

This was another thing.

These moments with Roxas. Caught between longing and reverence, like they were the only things keeping each other grounded and centered in the world. Moments within moments, when it was just her and Roxas and Axel, where the three of them were free to act in any way they wanted. Roxas lying on Axel, hands laced in Xion’s, Axel’s fingers in Roxas’ hair, Xion’s face curled into Axel’s neck—it was their own intimacy. Nothing reserved, nothing withheld—something that was just theirs, something that no one else could know or understand. 

No wonder Roxas didn’t realize Axel liked him.

Or, rather, he didn’t realize that their friendship wasn’t at all what others considered it to really be.

When they were around others, out and present and knowable, Axel wasn’t allowed the same intimacy. That much was obvious. What they had when they were alone—it was different. If Axel played too close or too much, Roxas would cut him off. It was clear, at least to Xion and Axel, that whatever they were when it was the three of them, it was not for the eyes of others.

As Roxas’ grip tightens against hers instead of pulling away, she has a moment of lucidity, a moment of reflection.

“ _He asked me “What do you want from me?” Can you fucking believe it?_ ”

“ _Come on, Axel. When we’re together, it’s not like there’s much difference between friendship and relationship, at least not as far as he’s concerned. When’s the last time you heard him talk about dating with anything **other** than confusion?_”

“ _That’s what drives me fucking crazy. We can’t be that close in public, only when we’re alone. I can touch his face, grab his hair, pull him close—when we’re **alone**. What the fuck did he **think** that meant?_”

“ _Axel, look at who he’s ever watched interact. Sora, Riku, and Kairi. Ventus, Aqua, and Terra. I think maybe… we all just have a fucked-up idea of what friendships are really like._ ”

“… _Shit, man, when you put it that way..._ ”

“Xion.” Roxas’ breath hit the side of her face, drawing her attention towards him, too-blue eyes catching hers for the first time that day. “Do you think, after this, that me, you, and Axel could just… hang out, just the three of us?”

 _Yeah, it’s certainly fucked up_. “Sure, Roxas.”

\---

**Where the fuck is she?**

Axel stared down at his cell phone, lips curving around the cigarette he was frantically breathing down while his foot tapped impatiently on the blacktop parking lot in front of his job. The sun had set, street lights springing to life slowly across the area, and Axel’s tension grew in time with each one.

Probably shouldn’t be there, not when _they_ could end up coming nearby and Axel’s friends were meeting him there. No, when he crunched the numbers in his head, if they hadn’t yet left it would take them no more than a few hours to get there. 

**How should I know? Doesn’t that “foster parent” you got over there feed you that fucking info?**

A gamble. Reasonable, on some level, but they know how integrated [Your Name] had become within his friend group. If he didn’t know, _someone in the group would_.

He considered, idly, that if Roxas’ parents were ever fucking home they might start commenting on how they were picking up on bad habits again. They knew who to blame before, knew it was “those damn orphan kids you’re always running around with,” and Xion’s parents said much of the same, groundings and punishments amounting to little as they all spiraled further and further down, down, down.

“You’ll be cut off.” The punishment of all kids who come from money. But, of course, what would they know about what that’s like? “I make my own choices, take it away, I don’t care!” What did they know? In the end, they knew their parents would never. No, they would never do without, not fully. Anger and disappointment matching parental neglect and abandonment—to enact that promise, they’d have to put in the effort, and it just wasn’t worth it.

Well, at least for his parents. Though, there was no “money” to be cut off from, he’d been responsible for himself before he could even legally work. The lifestyles of his friends were like fairytales to him, something he occasionally partook in from a distance.

“ _They have no fucking idea what it means to have nothing_.” Green eyes would lock with dark blue ones as he spoke, his face not entirely unlike a statue and his expression not entirely unlike one either. “ _They’ll never understand us._ ”

“ _Then why put up with them?_ ” Axel would ask, always ask, and he’d never answer. Would look off, land his eyes on Ventus, and the rage would pile on again. Shove him, push him—and Ventus would let him do it. Would practically beg him, with eyes and mouth and body, and Axel would wonder what it was Terra saw when he looked at Ventus.

It was similar to how he looked at Aqua, angry and possessive and scared all at once. It made sense in a way, their explosive connection, hands held together for longer than anyone else would probably be able to guess. Axel certainly had no idea, because any mention of their pasts were met with hollow silence and dark eyes. They were fire and ice in every conceivable way, and when they came together it was a storm that only they could stand to weather. Was it love? Axel wasn’t sure, but he conceded that seeing the fires of hell with someone who could bring you back from the brink was probably closer to love than anything else in the fucking universe.

By comparison, Aqua was much kinder. Stern and strict with smiles and words like honey, but she was really just more subtle than Terra. Her hands would reach out to Ventus with the touch of ghosts, fingers wrapping and squeezing and holding him hostage. At first, Axel didn’t really care, would see the dark acceptance and longing in Ventus and concede that “ _Well, it’s what he wants._ ”

Then she decided she’d rope in Xion.

 _Xion_. Off limits. Not for the bruising and grabbing that Aqua had reserved for Ventus, for Terra, for [Your Name]. She was small, a form of pressure and reluctance and the desire to appease, and not for the playing that Aqua would exact. Except Aqua would take whatever she wanted, would meet Axel’s eyes and remind him of all he had at stake with the upturn of her lips. 

And Xion? She wouldn’t listen. Thoughts and wants and desires that Axel understood far too well, he could only bring her back when she realized touches don’t have to be violence that morph into intimacy. Roxas would scream and shout and beg and Xion would pull and growl and push away, with Axel caught in middle. He knew what it was like for Roxas, reaching out and holding on but never being able to keep your hands on them before they were running and chasing after the exact thing you were trying to save them from. He also knew what it was like for Xion, that burning desire to take whatever you can, especially if it hurts because what you’re feeling is _alien_ and you think it’s _wrong,_ so if it feels good then it should at least _hurt_. 

But even when he and Roxas fought, pushed and pulled at each other to play at closeness when others were around, it would never escalate to that level. Rough fingers would melt at the first sign of pain, the intimacy then _genuine_ because when you’ve hurt someone _then_ you can be tender so long as those around you can see why. When Axel saw Roxas—he saw everything. With others, with _others_ it can hurt—it _should_ hurt—but, not with him. Not with Roxas.

No, when Axel needed someone to push and shove and pin beneath him, he had others. Another. Because Roxas… Roxas was a dream, but _he_ was what was in front of him. A compromise. Something to keep him awake and present and aware. The only reason Axel stayed with them for so long. The only reason Terra even had him to interrogate at all.

“ _I hate him,_ ” Terra would sometimes say, when they were on a job or when he’d get edgy from having gone any length of time without seeing Ventus. And, maybe, on some level, he _did_ mean it. Love and hate felt the same sometimes, white hot and all consuming. That’s what Terra chose, when he had to give the feelings a word. Axel knew better than that. Knew that look and those touches and that rage—

What he really hated was himself.

Green eyes flicker to the side, staring at the road cut off from his sight by another building in the shopping center, to where that _fucking house_ was that [Your Name] currently _wasn’t_ at, which lead to _Axel_ being in this _fucking situation_. His phone vibrates, his gaze lowers.

**Don’t pull this shit, Axel. You have 10 minutes to get back to me. You find someone to talk or I will. And neither of us want that.**

Axel knew it wasn’t really her fault, knew that in all likelihood [Your Name] probably had no idea who they all were when she first met them. The chances of Terra or Aqua telling her about them were basically zero, especially with how closely they had always kept her to them.

He thought back, back as far as he’d allow himself, to a house full of rooms and kids and structured obedience. Of the constant revolving door of teens and kids coming in and out and out and in with bags or papers or secrets behind their lips. Nowhere to go, so we go here but we earn our keep and we keep our lives and Axel wondered idly how far from orphan he really was from all of those lonely people. 

Sometimes, in the very back room of the very farthest hallway, Axel would be allowed inside, allowed to talk and hear and learn what new business was needed to keep their convent alive. That’s how Axel knew her, how he remembered her that very first day as she spoke with Sora and drew his eye, because he’d seen her in those moments held tight between Terra and Aqua.

Even there, in the presence of what could be described as the Higher Ups, there weren’t a lot of people who knew [Your Name]. For whatever reason, reasons that Axel wasn’t “up high enough to know,” she was kept mostly away from the others. It wasn’t just her, when he thought about it long enough, when he looked back as far as he could without feeling sick, there were a few others kept back like she was. 

“ _Other investments,_ ” he’d hear them say. “ _We all have a part to play for the family._ ” 

A collection of people, a collection of kids without a family or a home or a safe place to go, a collection of abused children and unwanted teens and family disappointments. A collection of kids that nobody wanted.

The Nobodies. That’s what they were, that was _who_ they were, and _that’s_ what people would learn to respect.

You can ask, get whatever you need, but you will heed, and you will pay.

And rich kids are easy prey.

“Axel!” A voice like the sun, too bright and too painful and exactly like warmth after a century of ice, green eyes catch too-blue ones as the group of teens hastily jogged towards him.

“Took you guys long enough.” Axel was obviously on edge, something that would be felt immediately even if Xion and Roxas’ expressions didn’t indicate they could tell from a mile away, and he kept his eye on the far side of the parking lot. “Look, I know I told you to meet me here, but we need to leave.”

“Are you fucking kidding?” Vanitas says, teeth clenched and shoulders squared like a child playing at intimidation. “We could’ve met you literally _anywhere else_.”

Vanitas was _far less agreeable_ when Sora wasn’t around, Axel had nearly forgotten. “Look, plans changed, lets—"

Axel’s phone vibrates, and his blood runs cold.

**We’re coming to meet you. Heard you were at work. Hope you have what we asked for.**

Panic seizes Axel.

“All of you, in the alleyway.” Silence captures the group in front of him, questioning eyes meeting his before he raises his voice just barely above normal. “Do _not_ fucking question me, _go into the alleyway right fucking now_.”

For the first time in his life, they actually fucking listen to him. Roxas grabs Vanitas’ arm, pulling him and Xion towards the alleyway between Axel’s job and some package shipping store, and the others just follow after them. For a moment, Ventus tries to catch Axel’s eyes, but he adamantly refuses to look at Ventus at all it causes Ventus to pause for a breath’s worth of time before sprinting off after the others. Axel’s heart beats once, twice, three times, before he turns back towards the far end of the parking lot.

And _they_ round the corner.

Terra appears first, all grimace and dark eyes and muscle packed under a scoop necked shirt and his hands hidden within the pockets of an oddly expensive looking coat. Beside him, Aqua saunters with eyes like ice and arms crossed over a high-necked dress made from some material that cost more than Axel probably made in a month. There were many questions spinning in Axel’s mind, but he gave them no voice.

“Where is she?” 


	7. I'm Just Diane

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **i did not proof read this i'm so sorry in advance i just needed to get this out before i went to sleep**
> 
> Welcome back! Wow, it's been like 3 weeks without an update? I'm so sorry, I've been getting such kind and wonderful comments for the story so it's definitely been churning in my mind since the last chapter was posted. I hope you guys enjoy! This chapter kind of has a lot going on, I _really_ need to tone it down so I can, like, give more character moments rather than constant and persistent drama. I'm sorry.
> 
> **IMPORTANT NOTE** : So I added this to the beginning of the first chapter **but** I sort of wanted to address the fact that Axel, Aqua, and Terra in the KH universe are quite obviously adults while everyone else is a teen. I didn't know this when I wrote it (I kind of just assumed everyone was the same age? I dunno it was 2009.) While I've obviously aged them all to the same age for this fic, I definitely understand why people would feel this is problematic or uncomfortable. I apologize for that!
> 
> Also, another side note, if you want to like check up or talk to me at all, feel free to check out [my tumblr](https://roseravager.tumblr.com) and send me any questions or messages or whatever!

“Let’s sit to the back! Most everyone else will be at the front!”

You manage a strained smile at Sora’s excited voice, his hand cupping yours as he drags you past the many rows of his teammates staring you both down, while glancing down at your phone. No messages. No missed phone calls.

Terra and Aqua haven’t messaged you all day. Not even once.

No messages _should_ be a good thing, it _should_ mean you aren’t being interrogated or monitored, but your heart picks up the pace with your breathing and it takes all of your concentration on Sora’s ramblings to keep yourself as far from the panic as possible. Even as he slid in to the very back seat and dragged you beside him, his body bouncing in the seat with excitement and his eyes shimmering as he spoke, you could barely hear him from the darkness your mind had settled in. 

You stared at Sora, trying with everything you had, but after a while the darkness took hold. It was as if everything had jolted, as if your eyes had become a television screen from which you sat back from. What was he talking about, again? You can’t turn the volume up on this thing, and heaven forbid you actually manage to listen to him. No, from your place held tight in the dark of your mind with words and fears and thoughts screaming and clawing at you, there’s nothing much you can do to reach him.

Did something happen to Aqua and Terra? They’ve been gone a while, a _month_ having come and gone, and that was something you’d _never_ experienced before. They would have been gone one week, maybe two at the _most_ , before coming back to you with searching arms and blank faces and faraway voices. But, even then, even in those cases, they _always_ talked with you. _Always_. Asked you how you were doing, how The House was doing, how the new kids were and if they’d eaten and if they were still crying and what they should bring back for them.  

What could the Boss _possibly_ be having them do for this long? 

You can remember, when you reach back into the black thoughts to places you’d rather never touch or relive, that things were changing with the “family”—changing with what it was the Boss saw for the future.

You got out, didn’t you? 

You thought, maybe, maybe getting caught was a good thing. When you were given the choice “accessory or relocation,” it was obvious what you’d choose. It was the only way to protect everyone, protect everyone and _get away_. 

“Get away” … it sounds so noble. So valiant. To get away! To escape! As if that was ever something you would’ve risked without permission, as if it was ever something you would’ve ever dared to do otherwise. If you hadn’t been told, given orders, to choose “betrayal” and have to leave, you would never have attempted it. Cops, lawyers, detectives—all the same words. “You’ll be safe.” and “We’ll protect you.” as if half of them weren’t the reason most of the “family” was in The House to begin with.

No, being a Nobody _was_ protection. Being a Nobody _was_ what was safe for people like you with nowhere to go.

And you wanted to leave, to _abandon_ them. After all they’ve done for you… all they’ve asked pales in comparison, doesn’t it? Doesn’t it? Don’t you owe it to them?

Was it fair? To try and leave when no one else even had an inkling of an option? Was it fair to leave them after all they’d done?

Most of them, of the others, would be better dead than have their families find them. Hell, most of them would kill themselves before risking their families forcing them back home. Hundreds of stories, hundreds of lives, words and secrets and bile spilling from their lips as they’d cry their nightmares out at night. How many children and teens and adults have you cradled as they whispered out horrors so painful and dark that it prevented them from sleep, from being alive, from existing? How many more would flood into The House, hiding under tables and in closets and behind doors, with their mouths burning and their eyes dark and their arms reaching for anyone or anything to just make it all stop?

How many traumas lived inside you now?

How many secrets did you take? How many people do you have in you? How many do you have in your debt and how many gave you the ability to break them with a just word and a memory?

But you, lucky you, your family would rather you _be_ dead than ever go back to them. Easy. Easy for jobs, easy for when someone needed to get _caught_. Not a runaway but a foster kid—put her somewhere else, anywhere else, at least if she’s in another jurisdiction she’s someone _else’s_ problem. At least if you’re technically in another town, they don’t have to pretend to care if you fall through the cracks again.

Its not like anyone expected you to live very long anyway. Isn’t that just what happens to unwanted kids? You either die or become an unwanted adult, a vagrant, an eyesore that people look at on the side of the road and pity and then feel so good about themselves for playing at compassion.

Either way.

“[Your Name]? Are you okay?”

Finally, like breaking the surface of an ocean before drowning, you feel Sora’s hand clasp your shoulder and you’re back with the light. Staring onto his panicked face, watching as lines worried at his eyebrows and his lips parted with your name on them.

You manage a smile, the fading light behind Sora haloing him perfectly. “Yeah, sorry, I was just thinking.”

“Thinking, huh? Been doing that a lot lately.”

“Typically, people are, uhh, always thinking, Sora.”

“Hmm, that… that’s probably true.”

“Probably, huh?” You laugh at Sora’s sheepish expression, eyes crinkling as he mimics you.

“There we go! That’s a better look!” The back of Sora’s hand taps under your chin before sweeping up to do the same to your cheek. “You’ve not been looking very happy lately. And, like, I’m not one to tell someone to _look_ happy if they aren’t, but, you know… I’d like to be able to provide a moment here and there if I can.”

Your heart swells and you let out a breath so deeply that you feel the weights placed on your chest lift as you do so. “Thanks Sora.”

His face softens for a moment, no longer the giddy or exuberant look that typically coated his features, and it’s almost like he’s lowering his guard, letting you see something you can’t understand the gravity of. “I know I may not look it but… I understand… things. I’m not as naïve as people think I am…” For a split second he laughs, and the hollowness of it almost chokes you. “Or, I guess, as naïve as I _let them think_ I am.”

All at once, a memory of him, all quiet grins and trickster eyes, his lips upturning before he looks at you. “ _Maybe I just like being complicated?_ ”

“I’d say you do a very good job of it.” You speak evenly, but you know that your expression is probably far too curious, that your mouth is quirked up and imploring and your eyes far too bright.

He grins again, his eyes kept down and to the side, fixated on the rough plastic seat visible between you two, and he lets the side of his face fall onto the top of the back cushion. “It helps that no one thinks too hard on it when I’m lying.”

“I’m sure.” Questions are burning in you, you want to do what you _always_ do when you glimpse beneath the surface of others—you want to keep his secrets inside you.

 _I can take them for you, I can hold them deep down inside where no one else can reach. You don’t have to drown in them, you don’t have to let them kill you, you can trust me with them. Let me in, let me have them_ — __

 _Give them to me, give them to me, **give them to me**_ — 

“You’re doing it again!” You snap back to attention at the feeling of a hand cupping under your jaw, Sora’s eyes catching yours from his lackadaisical position slumped in his seat with a laugh. “ _Thinking_! Always _thinking_. What good does it do you, huh?”

 _None_. 

“Sometimes I replay the ending to _Say Anything_ in my mind just to complain about what a terrible love interest John Cusack is, how his character Lloyd does nothing but decides that he “wants” Ione Skye’s character Diane for no other reason then that she should be hid. How, even though he kept showing how much he didn’t really value her outside of what she meant to him, that she still loved him and chose him. How Lloyd ignored Diane telling him that she wanted to break up and how, even though the narrative shows she didn’t “want” to break up with him, it perpetuates the idea that women don’t mean it when they tell someone no.”

Sora says nothing, face lax but eyebrows furrowed and lips pursed.

“Or, even rarer, I think about how _Pretty in Pink_ presents the idea that Andie is just some prize to be won by any boy who can “fight for her” long enough for her to make a choice on who to settle for. How her family’s state of poverty and difficulties are secondary to the idea that Blane being rich and her being poor is some kind of forbidden romance in fucking 1986.”

Even more furrowed brows and pursed lips.

“And—”

“Wow, you really like teen romcoms, huh?” Sora lets out a brief laugh, lifting himself up against the back of the bus until he was eye level with you. “No wonder you and Roxas always make the same metaphors.”

“Roxas watches them too?”

“It’s all he ever chooses whenever we have a movie night at home.” Another laugh, brighter than before. “Says he gets to make the choice because he’s the “elder brother” even though Ven is the _actual_ oldest, but no one likes to argue with Roxas, so we just give in most of the time.”

“Sometimes it’s nice to watch foolish people solve simple problems terribly.” You say, hand passing over your lips as you look out at the greenery through the window behind Sora. “Makes me feel better about my own shit choices.”

“You think the overdramatic problems in those movies are _simple_? Man, I certainly don’t wanna see what you consider _complex_ problems.”

You close your eyes against the grin you send Sora, a chuckle bubbling in your chest before it dies without a sound.

“In your defense, _I_ don’t want to see my version of complex problems either.” You instinctively glance down at your pocket, hand pulling out your phone and tapping the front screen.

No new messages.

“Waiting for text or something?”

You feel your eyes widen, panic grabbing you and excuses churning by instinct. “I’m—I’m waiting for Roxas and Ven to message me…” You glance up at Sora for a moment, smiling sheepishly. “But, I guess they’re still mad.”

“Still mad? About what?” Sora tilts his head at he says those words, but there’s something under the current of his eyes that you’re slowly but surely starting to learn and decipher.

“Nice try.” His lips purse instantly, melting into a pout soon after. “Sorry, Golden Boy, you’ve exposed too much of yourself to me. Naivety doesn’t suit you.”

A grin meets you and, for a moment, you can see the similarities between him and Vanitas more than you ever had before. “I guess you’re the first. Not even Riku catches it when I time it right.”

“Hmm, sure.” _Yeah, I’m sure there’s not another reason for that_.

“Well, then I guess you mean they’re still mad about earlier?” You level a look at him, lips quirked to the side before Sora rolls his eyes. “Come on, I know _that_ much! I was _there_ for it!”

“… Yes.” 

“In _that_ case, they’re being stupid! I may not know what was going on—” A glare meets you and you laugh. “—but I know that it isn’t a big enough deal to be upset for _this long_.”

“It’s fine, Sora, I’m sure later they’ll—”

“Here, I know.” Before you can question him, Sora grabs at your shoulders and pulls you close to him while his free hand works at his cell phone.

“Sora--!”

“Try to look like you’re having as much fun as possible!” You feel Sora wrap his spare arm around your waist to bring you against him, his other arm angling his phone up to take a picture.

You think you want to push away from Sora, tell him that this will actually do the _opposite_ of help with the imaginary situation you’ve concocted (though, it _was_ true that Ventus nor Roxas had messaged you since lunch), but it actually… felt _nice_.

These touches are… soft. There’s no expectation in these hands, in your back against his chest, in his chin on your shoulder and cheek to yours. You were laughing, hands to your face, and the moment the picture was taken, Sora releases you. No lingering hands, no silent moments, no prolonged touches.

_Maybe… this is what friendship is?_

“This is either going to make them message you _immediately_ or make the situation worse.” You turn to see Sora tapping at his phone furiously before putting it back in his pocket. “I guess we’ll find out which it is soon, huh?”

“Hey Sora.” You look up to the suddenly occupied seat in front of you to see a springy haired blonde boy leaning over the backrest, bright eyes held on you. 

“Hey Ti—”

“Who’s your friend?”

You offer a strained smile as Sora rolls his eyes. “Amazing first impression, no wonder you have so many admirers.”

“Beating them off with a stick, I’ll have you know!” The boy, who is either named Ti or some combination of letters after those two that form a real one, lets an arm hang over the backrest before he leans on to it. “You’re the new girl, yeah? The one the Wonder Twins are always hovering around.” The confusion on your face must’ve been obvious because he laughs. “That was a trick question, Sora hasn’t shut up about you since your first day, so I’d know even if Roxas and Ven weren’t absolutely fucking mother hen-ing around you all the fucking time.”

Sora brings a clenched fist down onto the boy’s head, an almost serious expression on his face as he does so. “Knock it off, Tidus.”

Tidus (a much more reasonable name) brings a hand to his head, an eye dramatically clenched tight as he does so. “Hey! Don’t hurt the team’s star! If I have to sit out and we lose, it’s all your fault!”

“I think we’ll be fine.”

“Ahh, the truth comes out. You’ve been vying for my spot on the team, huh?”

“Tidus, the only thing I’m “vying” for is for you to actually learn how to dribble the ball, so I don’t always have to get it back from the opposing team.”

“ _Rude_.”

\---

The rest of the bus ride was more or less Sora’s teammates switching off to go sit in the seat in front of you both to either ask about you or joke around with Sora. You noticed, almost immediately, how structured his personality is around each person he interacts with. Not in a “fake” or “manufactured” way, but in a way that shows that he’s aware at every moment of the most comforting or inviting parts of his demeanor that his friends like. With some he’s more tender, softer spoken, and with others he jokes around more and even rips in to them mercilessly (particularly Tidus, from what you’ve observed).

All of these parts of him--they show how much he truly watches and cares about each person he interacts with.

You wonder, idly, what he was like when no one was around.

The game was eventful, at least insofar as having to pay extra attention to who was passing to who and who was stealing the ball from the other team or getting the ball stolen from them or making shots (since that was something you needed to document in addition to scorekeeping). There was so much going on that you didn’t really have time to actually observe Sora aside from writing down when he was engaging in the things you were tasked with keeping track of.

And, truly, that was fairly frequently. Center midfielder, it seems, pretty much does whatever is needed in the moment the ball is in play. Every other player seemed to play a particular role, but Sora made split second decisions that changed the course of every point earned or lost, so you were writing down his number a lot. 

Despite this, you feel like you spent almost no time actually being able to watch him, which was unfortunate.

You were almost surprised when the game was over, there was so much you were paying attention to that the time flew by.

Their team won, but barely and it was a constant back and forth the entire match, so it seemed like they weren’t too pleased. You gathered your things as the coaches talked with the team before heading towards the exit.

You’re edging yourself close to a hedge lined fence, eyes scoping the throngs of bodies far off that are filing from the field in droves. It’s dark, darker than you’d previously realized under the flood lights of the field, which immediately put you on high alert. You keep pacing up the fence line, up towards some sort of rec building, eyes glancing down at the phone in your hands to see…

35 unread messages. 9 missed calls.

Panic and relief seize you at once, you move to unlock your phone when a noise hits your ears.

“No, thanks.”

“Come on, it’ll be fun, right?”

A small voice, a sound of de-escalation and fear, and a louder one full of confidence and coercion and power.

Your legs propel you forward instinctively, passed the fence line and behind the large rec center and around the dimly lit walkway to a darkened area shaded by brick fences and high hedges. The moment you step close, you notice three bodies that were tall and strong and barrel-chested standing before a smaller one, uneasy posture and clumsy body and flushed face. You feel your chest ice over and your expression fall, head rising.

“Hey, you want to join us, babe?”

The ice turns to stone in you. “I think the three of you need to leave.”

Smirks and chuckles and disbelief, the small form kept separated from you and an exit doesn’t look completely coherent or even aware. “Whatever, bitch, just go back the way you came and there’s no problems.”

“There’re problems already, and you’d better fucking think well before this gets any worse for you.”

They turn, shoulders rising and fists clenching, and one of them steps forward. “You want to fucking go, you stupid cunt?”

“Implying you could do anything with arms and legs as limp as your dick, huh?”

Predictably, the one who stepped forward launches towards you with arms outstretched, face full of snarls, and all it takes is jabs at his forearms to throw him off-balance enough for you to snap your heel onto his bent knee to send him down. Your hands grab his hair before he can compose himself, your fists going back to wail mercilessly into the canal of his ear. He screams, hands punching at your arms and torso wildly, but you’re already smashing his face into your knee over and over and over again.

At this point, his friends have snapped from their stupor and scream as march forwards in pursuit of you. Your watch them as you raise the boy’s head, winding your arm back and punching at his blood coated ear as you let go of his hair, smiling as his skull smacks the ground with an echoing _slap_. You move to step over the wailing boy, body crouching, when movement catches you by surprise.

Before you can even blink you catch Sora bolting forward faster than any human should be able to move, his hand moving to grab at the wrist of the boy closest to him and pulls his arm taut. He tries to turn to Sora, free arm moving towards him, when you see Sora’s fist angle back before snapping down into the boy’s tightened elbow. You watch as the boy’s arm snaps in the entirely wrong direction with a sickening _crunch_ , the scream sounding in the area absolutely primal.

You do not allow yourself another second of shock, you’re already running at the boy’s friend who seemed stuck between pursuing you and helping his friend. You waste no time in slamming your heel into the side of his knee, watching as he buckles to the ground before you grab at his hair to begin a similar assault to what you’d done to his friend. 

From beside you, you watch as Sora effortlessly leans in, arm pulling across his body before his elbow snaps up into the boy’s nose. He screams again, manages to grab at Sora long enough to punch his face, sending Sora a few steps backward, and you throw the friend to the ground without a moment’s hesitation to kick at the back of the boy’s legs, sending him down sprawled onto the ground effortlessly. 

An arm wraps around your waist, heaving into you, and you find yourself being pulled down to the concrete. A fist smacks into the side of your face, the pain brief and dull, and you reach a hand down, wrapping your fingers around the pinky of the hand before yanking back as hard as possible and being rewarded with the sound of bones cracking. When you roll out of his grasp, you turn your head to see Sora head butting the boy you’d help him down, fist craning back to hit at the boy’s neck and him watching with dull eyes as the boy goes down coughing.

You stand to your full height, turning around to see the small girl from earlier was staring at the bodies on the ground with wide eyes and more coherent expression. You go to her immediately, hands moving up to graze at her arm and diverting her attention back to you.

“You need to leave. _Now_.” She nods her head furiously, eyes darting back to the crying boys on the pavement, before you grip at her forearm to draw her back to you. “Do not tell anyone about what happened here. But, if you need anything…” The words burn the back of your throat, instinct gripped by guilt for the first time but the fear in her eyes trips you up. “The Nobodies. They can help. Go to Larxene.”

She nods again, eyes wide and confused, before sprinting clumsily down and through the walkway out.

“Warn your friends.” You snap your head back, eyes catching Sora crouched low to the boy he’d just downed, hands grabbing at the boy’s hair as he did so. “This better not be what goes on here, because I don’t want to have to have the rest of us come here to solve this problem.”

“Sora, we need to go.” You’re already on him as you as this, pulling Sora to his full height before dragging him out from the concrete back alley and trying to keep to the darker areas while walking towards the buses.

“You want to explain what that was?”

“You often jump into fights you know nothing about?” Your heart was slamming in your chest, you gift yourself a glance over at Sora to see him grinning at you with too-bright eyes.

“Sometimes.” The quality of his voice is thick, mischievous. “Where’d you learn to fight like that?”

“The street.” You mumble, pulling Sora’s arm behind you as you continue to march towards the lone team still in the parking lot. They’re gesturing towards the both of you wildly while filing onto the buses, though none of them seem alarmed at the blood you both are certainly stained with. “You don’t fight fair, you fight to win.” Quick silence settles between you, causing you to slow.

Questions and words are burning you.

You turn back to Sora, his all-bright eyes almost hauntingly relaxed. “Where did _you_ learn to fight like that?”

One beat, two beats, three. Not a quirk of the lips, not a blink of the eye.

And then, all at once:

“Maybe I’ll tell you someday.”

In your chest, something thrills.

 _Give them to me, give them to me, **give me, give me**_ —

“The Golden Boy has secrets.” Your voice is a whisper, adrenaline spikes in your veins and practically causes you to pulsate where you stand. “Who would’ve thought?”

“Nobody.” He responds, mouth curving up as he says so. “That’s why no one knows them.”

From behind you, voices and words are thrown at the both of you, but you can make sense of none of it when looking into Sora’s too-bright eyes.

“ _Some people want money, some want sex, some want power. But what, sweetness, is it that **you** want?_”

“ _Secrets._ ”

“ _Secrets?_ ”

“ _Secrets… they’re the essence of people—it’s who they are, it’s what they are. It’s their soul. **And I want them**._”

“ _Oh, my love... You’ll fit right in here_.”

\---

Ventus’ throat squeezes painfully, like he was choking, and it took everything in his body to stay hidden as he watches Terra and Aqua walk up to Axel. For a moment, he’s bereft, he wants nothing more than to run over and grab Terra and scream and yell and beg and plead, but he opts instead to reach out for Xion. She grabs him back, hands gripping at his so tightly that her fingers could break beneath the force. 

If Ventus had any question, any fucking reservation, for how immediately and fervently he would react upon seeing them again, this proved that he had learned _nothing_ from their departure. Judging by how hard Xion pulled Roxas to her, in front of her with an arm wrapped around his while she watched with wide eyes and open mouth from over his shoulder, she was doing absolutely no better than he was.

“She’s at a school away game, teacher offered her extra credit to keep score for it.” Axel, for all that people tried to say about him, was the absolute _picture of cool_. Body lax, face unreadable, quirk of the lips as if he had all the answers hidden behind them.

“What game?” Aqua’s voice had none of the honey it was typically drenched in, none of the lilac softness she’d practically sing to Ventus when she pulled him close to her in the memories he allowed himself to revisit when he was alone. It was replaced, instead, by something thick and toxic. 

“Varsity soccer.”

“Wait, are they asking about [Your Name]?” Vanitas’ voice was like a breath, so quiet that Ventus almost didn’t believe he’d heard it. “They _know her_?”

“More than know her,” Xion says, ultramarine eyes so shimmery and slick with unshed tears that Ventus’ heart clenched with a look at her. “She’s a Nobody.”

“Soccer?” As it usually did, Terra’s voice seized them, drew their attention back to him and the near hostage negotiation taking place. His grimace grows, eyes narrowing in the way they always did when he was ready to fight and break. “Sora’s team?”

“Seems like it.” The tension surrounding the huddled group in the alleyway was overwhelming, so thick and dark it was almost impossible for them to breathe.

“Don’t play coy, Axel,” Aqua says, her icy stare meeting Axel’s pithy one and Ventus could hear Xion’s voice crack beneath a breath she risked taking while she watched. “We _told you_. Stay away from her.”

“Tell her that,” Axel says, quirked lips breaking into a grin soon after. “Guess she wants to be around us more than she’s afraid of the both of you.”

The shift in tone is immediate and it’s violent.

Aqua’s glower deepens, shoulders rising like she’s poised to strike, and Terra’s expression turns murderous. 

“ _Afraid_? She--” Aqua’s voice is incredulous, her jaw tightens around the words and she closes her eyes tight.

“As usual, he talks but has no idea what he’s talking about. Wouldn’t know what an actual connection is like.” Terra spits the words out, fists clenching and unclenching, eyes staring straight through Axel as he did so. “Speaking of which, how’s Roxas?”

For the first time in the conversation, Axel’s expression falters, teeth clenched and grimace meeting Aqua and Terra’s smug expressions. Ventus can feel his heart constrict, can feel the tug in his chest at their faces and he doesn’t need to look over at Xion to know it was a similar feeling for her too.

“Don’t fucking talk about him.”

“Oh, _interesting_ , it seems _you’re_ allowed to set those boundaries, but we _aren’t_?” Aqua sounded soft but clear like a bell. “Hypocritical, don’t you think?”

“I’m not controlling Roxas’ every move, now am I?”

“We aren’t “controlling her every move.” Axel laughs before Terra can continue, the sound echoing back through the alley with a hollow chime.

“Oh! What do you call this, then?”

“She hasn’t responded to us in _hours_ , something she’s _never done_. We’re _worried_.”

“That’s how you rationalize it to yourself, huh? Worry. That’s why you dictate who she talks to and how, that’s why you shudder at the thought of her interacting with us. You’re worried, so _worried_ , that she’ll realize that she can do better and _get away_.” Axel was no longer the picture of cool, no, Ventus could see that every part of him screamed fire and he looked more and more menacing the longer he spoke. “Just like Ven and Xion.”

Terra lunges forward, Aqua stopping him before he can close the gap.

“You’re wrong.” Aqua says, but the sound held a quality that Ventus had never heard before—it sounded weak and afraid. “She wouldn’t do that, she wouldn’t leave.”

“Don’t sound so sure of yourself there, Aqua.” The smirk on Axel’s face grew when Terra tried to move past Aqua again, only to be shoved back by her arm across his chest. “You wanna bet?”

“Bet _what_?” Terra’s voice was quaking, a familiar sound to Ventus’ ears and it sought to crush him.

“I’ll call her. You can listen. Then we’ll see who _really_ knows what’s going on, huh?” Axel scrolls through his phone as he speaks, his phone’s speaker phone sounding soon after he finishes.

The call is picked up. Ventus grips at Xion’s hand in panic and she mimics him, pulling him towards her as she does so.

“… Axel?” [Your Name]’s voice rings out, the sound immediately putting Aqua and Terra on edge. “Is something wrong?”

“Aqua and Terra are asking me where you are.” Axel’s eyes never leave the duo standing across from him, the upturn of his lips relaxed. “What should I tell them?”

Silence rings out, in the background the undeniable noise of the soccer players yelling, and Ventus can swear he hears Sora’s voice in there somewhere, but he can’t pick it out.

“Wow, resorting to asking you, huh?” She laughs, the sound empty and hollow. “Tell them… tell them I’m… I don’t know, I don’t know what to tell them. Anything, just tell them anything. I’ll owe you.”

“Anything? You don’t want me to tell them the truth?”

“Absolutely not, they can’t know I’m with Sora. They can’t know I still talk to any of you.”

Terra and Aqua’s shoulders falter slowly, their eyes trained on the phone in Axel’s hand.

“Why’s that? I always thought you three were… ya know, _close_? A _thing_?” Ventus watches a look pass over Terra’s face, a red-hot glare leveling on Axel soon after.

“They just want to control me, that’s not really a _thing_ , now is it?”

Nothing could’ve prepared Ventus for what he saw, no amount of words or premonitions could’ve steeled him for the way Aqua’s jaw clenched and eyes closed like she was about to fall apart, or the way Terra’s lips quivered and quaked and his eyes closing and opening like he was struggling to stay together.

“That seems a bit harsh, isn’t it? Why stick around if it’s so inconvenient, huh?”

“Axel, you know how fucking stupid that question is. What other choice do I have?” For a second, the noise rose into some kind of cheer, and when [Your Name]’s voice came back through it was thick and sad. “No one wants me, Axel.”

Ventus couldn’t remember the last time his heart ached that badly, couldn’t fathom the last time he’d felt so grieved and tender as in that moment.

“[Your Name], are you okay?” Sora’s voice was unmistakable at that point. “We’ll be home soon, tell them you’ll call them back!”

“I’m sorry Axel, I gotta go.” She says, emotion still coating her words. “Tell them anything just… be kind to them, okay?”

“You just said they’re just controlling you, that they don’t want you, why would you care about that?” There was not a single word Axel spoke that didn’t seek to stab and twist into Aqua and Terra.

“Maybe I watch too many teen movies… maybe I’m an idiot, too.” 

A moment of silence, and then: 

“I’m just Diane, I guess.”


	8. Take His Secrets Inside You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Wow, it's been a while since I updated, huh? And this chapter is so short! I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry I've been gone so long. I wanted to get this out as a bridge to the next chapter, as something to... re-engage you guys? I guess?
> 
> Honestly, I've had a very hectic time since I updated last. I think a lot of that probably will come across in this chapter, haha. I just needed to get this out, I think, since I'm trying to steer this story in a certain direction.
> 
> I also haven't been updating because I keep having a huge internal struggle about the pairings I've had in this story! Despite me having everyone around the same age, I still feel Not Great about the fact that in game the age differences are Bad. I kind of had a whole like conflict of "I know I wrote this when I was younger but should I even be writing this now, as an adult? Is it right of me?" Which I, more or less, have kind of come to the semi-agreement internally that the pairings are changing _anyway_ so there's nothing more I can do but move away from all that.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you all enjoy! (Also, I changed the story synopsis. Nothing major, I just hated the wording it had before. I think the new one fits better, haha.)

“It’s not like them to be late.”

You turn towards Sora with an even expression, his eyes scanning over his phone screen as he frantically opens and closes different messages frantically.

“Were the others coming by to get you?”

“Yeah, I mean, they want to see you too, I bet!” He smiles brightly at you and your eyes instinctively snapped to the green tinted beginnings of a bruise that stains the skin of his cheek. Under the burning streetlight the bruise made him look ghostly--a shade of the boy you watched snap someone’s arm with barest of ease, the lights behind him creating a shroud that cast him in shadow.

_Show me more, I need to know_.

You snap your eyes away from him to stare at the sidewalk beneath your feet, air turning to stone in your chest. “Do none of them own a car? I mean, walking at this time of night? Your parents aren’t worried?” 

“Oh, Axel has a van, he’s really the only one with a car right now…” Sora trails off suddenly, you almost look back at him before he continues. “My brothers and I have been… banned from using our cars because of… some issues from last year… with Ventus.”

You try not to make the tension that grips you obvious, but you’re worried the heaviness in your shoulders is betraying you.

“Kairi and Xion are pretty much in the same boat as us and Riku…” He pauses deliberately, swallowing. “It’s… complicated.”

Your eyes lift to scan the empty street, watching as the last of the soccer team loaded into a small sedan before driving away. The air in your chest grows heavier with each breath.

“Seems like… a lot’s happened to you all.” Your voice sounds small, like the wind can’t carry the sound. 

Sora laughs, his hands shoving his phone in his pocket. You chance a glance at him and all that greets you is a dead expression that leaves you cold.

“Yeah, I guess so.”

Usually, Sora’s expression changes to whatever it is he thinks someone wants to see at any given point. The quiet moments when he lets his face drop, when he relaxes, shatter the second someone looks his way. It seemed really endearing to you, that he was so intimately aware of the people around him.

But, right now? You wonder if you could even reach him where he is now.

A familiar tone hits your ears and you instinctually slap your phone to your face.

“Hello?”

“… So, you answer now, huh?”

Your blood runs cold.

“I’m sorry, Te—” You catch yourself before you can say his name out loud and turn, too blue eyes dart in your direction as you begin to walk off. “… I just… I didn’t realize my phone was on silent. Really, I’m sorry.” You keep moving, keep walking more and more beneath the darkness of a tree. 

“We’re just happy you’re safe.”

Your veins turn to ice.

“… Terra?”

“It’s like when you were first sent out there. So snarky, brushing us off for your new friends.” Something in his voice pricks at you, your heart rate ramps up. “… We were just worried, it’s okay.”

Distant. Dark. Like he was a million miles away.

_Rejection, rejection, rejection_ —

“Please, don’t be mad. I promise, it was an accident, I would never ignore either of you. I was so worried, I hadn’t heard from either of you for so long, I didn’t know what to do.” You can hear the emotion that coated your words and left your mouth slick. “Don’t be mad at me, I will do anything. I’ll—”

“When…” Aqua’s voice rings out like a bell, it stops you dead. “… When did you start to fear us like this?”

Your chest heaves, splinters.

“… W-What?” You hear rustling behind you, noise and sound and movement, but you can’t move.

“We… we really did this, didn’t we?” Terra’s voice cracks, taking what was left of your heart with it.

“What are you talking about? I’m—” Your voice won’t stop shaking.

“We’re sorry.” You can hear the tears in Aqua’s voice. “We’re sorry.”

The line drops.

Your entire body buckles as you whip your phone back in front of your face.

_No._

You tap frantically at the screen, pushing at Terra’s number and bringing it up to your ear.

“Terra. Leave a message.”

**_No_**.

You swipe back through your phone’s contacts, hitting Aqua’s number.

“Aqua. Leave a message.”

**_NO._ **

“No, no, no.” Your vision is blurry, you keep tapping their names and hearing their voices. 

_Leave a message, leave a message—_

_REJECTION. REJECTION. REJECTION._

“ **NO!** ” You’re screaming, you don’t think any of it’s words but it’s definitely screaming. “ **Answer me. ANSWER ME!** ” You feel hands on your shoulders, more sounds and noises, but all you can see is the phone screen blinking as your call goes to voicemail. “ **I’m sorry! I’m sorry! Please, answer me!** ” More screaming.

Then, you feel yourself get lifted into the air, and you snap back to reality.

Sea foam green eyes level with you and arms pin themselves under yours in order to keep you standing upright.

“Axel.” You still feel like you’re screaming, you grip his arms as you do so. “Axel, what did you tell them?”

He doesn’t respond, eyes dart behind you. “Get in the van.”

“But—” Roxas. You almost turn around, but Axel keeps you firmly in front of him.

“Go. Now.”

More noise, more rustling, you grip him tighter. “ _What did you tell them?_ ”

Axel lets his gaze land back on you, his expression blank and his eyes cold. “You said I could tell them anything.”

Your stomach ties itself in knots. “ _What did **you tell them**_?!”

His blank expression twists and morphs quickly, something painful settling onto your skin soon after.

“I told them the truth. You should try it sometime.”

You’re frozen in front of him.

“You’re going to walk home, right?”

You can’t speak, every sound and every murmur is trapped in the cage of your chest.

“You’ll need the time to think, I’m sure.” He lets go of you, almost roughly, but you stay standing. “See? Unphased already. Just like a Nobody should be.”

Axel walks away and you make no move to follow him.

There’s more noise behind you, somewhere in the distance, you can hear people yelling and doors opening and footsteps tapping.

So, you run.

You’re good at running, always so good at running. You remember hearing the phrase: “You have to learn to walk before you can run.” But you’re pretty sure you started out running. A toddler, struggling to crawl, struggling to stand, legs wobbly and unsure before they burst into an all-out sprint. You never stopped sprinting after that, you don’t think. Running from your family, running from The Family, always running, always moving, always going faster and faster and faster.

It’ll hurt when you fall. It’ll hurt when it all catches up with you.

More of a reason to never stop.

_“You know you have to take the fall.”_

_“Yes, sir.”_

_“Of course. It’s why you took the job, someone had to take the fall, and who better than a child whose family would rather forget they even existed?”_

_“Yes, sir.”_

_“Maybe you could even have a new start out there.”_

_“… I’m always part of The Family, sir.”_

_“Of course you are, you’d never leave us.”_

_“… No, never.”_

_“I’m from the Destiny Islands, you know. Nice lot out there, if a bit arrogant due to wealth. My humble beginnings were never enough to survive out there, you see.”_

_“… Sir?”_

_“Do you think they’d accept you out there? Do you think they’d see you how we see you? Or, do you think, they’d see right through you straight to the broken child that lies underneath?”_

_“… No one would want me anyway.”_

_“But, if they did, you’d try to leave us, wouldn’t you?”_

_“No! I’d never—”_

_“I wonder what would happen to Aqua and Terra if you did? To all the children here who’ve grown to depend on you. To the new boy that showed up dark and screaming, still unable to show his face for fear of disappointing the parents that pushed him away. Do you remember holding him? Holding him and… how do you put it… “Taking his secrets inside you?”_

_“… I…”_

_“Remember him next time you think about leaving us. Maybe it’ll remind you of who’s really here for you when all is said and done.”_


End file.
